A
male
age
41-50,
*ronassis
writes:On 2008, I dated a girl who I thought was the perfect woman for me. Somebody who can be a great wife and good mother for my children. I propose to her in four months. After leaving together for a month, we got married. Then, everything changed. She started getting emotional breakdowns and she changed of mood everytime. I found out that she is medically declared bipolar and suffered depression. We got separated two times and one the last one I filed for a divorce. We decided to work things again under financial circumstances. But right now, I am not in love with her and I have no attraction towards her during sex. Also, she has been hiding from me that she cannot have babies. I am 26 and in the military and working another job (Macy's ladies shoes) and she is a 19 year old, unemployed and sometimes lazy. I do love her, more like attach to her. Should I divorce her or not? Or give her another chance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): Hiding things from you is definitely not showing respect for marriage, and I wonder if she is taking the marriage seriously. Why did she not tell you she was bipolar, and that she can not have children? Take her reply into account, what were her reasons? As for her unemployment, is she working on getting an education still, did she drop out of school, did she plan to be a stay-home wife when you got married and dropped all other plans? Im basically saying there is a lot of missing information here that makes it hard to really see the full picture. You have to think how important is she to you? She is still the same girl, but now you see all of her, her bad sides as well as the good ones. You jumped into this perhaps without taking enough time to really look where you jumped, and like her, you also need to take responsibility for your actions. Walking away when things get tough is not showing respect for the marriage either. Not saying you are, but you are considering it. Also take into account her age. She is 7 years younger than you, fresh out of high school basically. Has she lived on her own before? What type of experiences does she have? The troubles you are experiencing could come from more things than just the lying (she hid from you that she was bipolar and can not have children). Did she move to you from her parents of has she lived alone or with someone else before?
You could also try to bond more with her family. They have lived with her and know her, and might be helpful on how to deal with her bipolar personality disorder. Also talking to a doctor together could help you on how to cope with it.
Back to the babies thing, what exactly is the situation, how does she know she can not have children? How important are children to you? Is it possible to adopt? Or use a surrogate mother? Once you decide that you do want to work things out with your wife, you can start working on the next issues, and there will be solutions.
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (17 January 2010):
 It pays to get to know someone really well before plunging into marriage! But by now, I'm not telling you something you don't already know.
We can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do...that is for you to decide.
But what I can tell you is that I spent 16 years in a marriage with a bi-polar man. It was pure hell! I stayed so long because I pledged my love in sickness and in health! I left when I couldn't take the abuse anymore and feared for my life!
I am now in a relationship (for seven months) with a man who seems to be just perfect for me! But I realize that we haven't had enough time to truly get to know one another!
You however have passed that point and so, you have to make a decision as to whether you want to stick with it or run like hell. I can't make that decision for you...I can tell you that looking back on my marriage...I wish I would have run like hell when I first saw the insanity! (I'm not saying your wife is insane!!!) My marriage was insanity!
I wish you luck, it's not easy!
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 Maybe next time you should get to know someone before you rush into marriage, if you're truly unhappy then you should start looking at divorce...
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