A
female
age
36-40,
*helseysue
writes:I've in been a relationship for about 6 months, and we both feel we have something real special and we love eachother so much, 2 months ago we decided to leave this town, for the summer we went to alabama and new orleans, now we're back home and we're living together and things just seem life there falling apart, we fell the same about eachother, but everyday some kind of conflict comes up either he gets mad about something or i do, we've been back for 2 weeks and things are stressful right now and i keep trying to tell him it will pass and things will get better, we just moved in together and learning eachother, but he just seems to compare our relationship with his old relationship and she was just plain mean to him all the time and he thinks our relationship will end up like his old one... i try and try to explain I'm not being outright mean to him and it's disagreements not fights and hurtful things just stupid disagreements about things and we have to work at a relationship and meet in the middle sometimes... anyway i just don't know what to do, I feel like i should just keep my mouth shut about everything and hope for the best... what should i do??
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (15 September 2007):
Why would you want to stay hooked up with a guy with whom you constantly fight? Delay the wedding and try to get to the bottom of the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Mistaking disagreements with full conflicts, then there is a problem. If you don't agree with his opinion and you express your own in a non-assault manner you should be able to make a civilised exchange of views. He obviously has a trust issue from the previous relation and if now in a defensive stage. Every relationship has disagreements, even if it regards the colour of the tablecloth[.] In time, the missunderstandings can be destructive. Keeping your mouth shut or even harbouring feelings of pleasure on your face when in reality you feel there's a glitch, won't better the things, will only create frustrations, when you know other couples can talk things over without headaches. Disagreements have to be expressed in a constructive, non-challenging manner, not threatening the other's position or forcing him to adhere to yours. If you do these, and no results, there's a problem. Talk it over, openly. Tell him gently, lovingly, that you don't want him to recall the previous relation and how it failed, that you want to concentrate on what you two have and if different opinions on small things should appear, it's only natural so long as you oversee it that they don't outburst in conflicts. And that you will talk calmly and will do your best for things to work. Goes without saying he must do the same. Not one relationship he can dream of can resist without tolerating the other's opinions, this causing the problem to expand. Although if it's in his nature to be nervous and impulsive to reject the other views than his own... can you detail this a bit more? All the best there and hope it betters, with patience and communication. But he has to cope.
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