A
female
age
41-50,
*upidette
writes:I've been with my bf for about 4 yrs, but have known him for about 7, when we were just good friends. I love him to bits, he's still my best friend in the world, he's kind, considerate, etc etc. my only issues are that we like doing very different things and it's giving me an underlying itch that this is not right. He's quite happy staying in, and chilling out, which I like to do to a certain extent, but I have this mad side which craves to do new exciting and possibly quirky things. He never stops me doing what I want, and I go out with friends or on my own. it just bothers me that we can't do more things together, plus he sometimes infers that I should have grown out of things by now, and that it's somewhat childish to still want to go clubbing for example.I know it's important to do things separately, but I can't help but believe that you should be able to do most things together as a couple, and want to do them. If you can't, well then maybe you're not exactly meant to be?It's definitely making us less close, and although we talk about it, he agrees we're different, and I insist that although compromises are good on both parts, I don't want him to change into something he's not. I guess the reason this is really coming to a head, is that we're both around the 30 mark, and if marriage is on the cards, then I want to be 99.9% sure. Currently I'm not, and it's been affecting our closeness, and then physical closeness. We seem to go along with things, but I'm not sure if he's now more my brother than lover.Now I just don't know whether this is me overanalysing things, whether the notion of 'the one' isn't real for everyone, whether I'm seeing the greener grass over the other side, or whether the itch is there for a definite reason, and long term it's just not going to work.Any advice?
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female
reader, cupidette +, writes (10 January 2010):
cupidette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought I should update this because so much as changed. I can't emphasise enough - when you know YOU KNOW. I don't believe you need to be 99.9% sure of tying the knot with someone - there is no doubt when you've found THE ONE.
Since this relationship that I posted questions on, we separated for a time whilst he moved abroad. We still remained and do remain really close, but it was a move that had to happen.
Since then, a new person walked into my life so perfectly. I wasn't looking for it, but can I tell you I've found it! My new partner is THE ONE - no question. I can think it, but above anything else, I feel it. There is no niggling doubt, he is my soul mate, twin flame, the one that I've always been looking for - he knows it too.
So please everyone, have faith in yourself, and trust your intuition, and niggling things or things that resonate with you from your core, from your stomach, from your intution, not just from overanalysing things with your head. Trust yourself, questions are being raised for a reason - look within to answer them.
May everyone be reunited with their other half - EVERYONE has another half, so keep believing - in this and most importantly in yourself.
We're only a year in, and the journey with THE ONE is truly incredible. Have faith!
Namaste x
A
female
reader, cupidette +, writes (3 September 2007):
cupidette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I will organise some 'adventures' and see how it goes - and I guess I should be grateful that he doesn't stop me from doing anything I want to. Not to put an ultimatum time limit on it, but I personally want to achieve a definite conclusion in my mind over the next 6-12 months max! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): I think you are in a space where perhaps it will soon be time for that "final" committment with your man. I think women tend to always try and find something "not quite right" in a relationship, perhaps to give us the opportunity to, relfect and really think about our life and who we share it with. I understand how you feel about having different interests and this is something important, I think about relationships that last. Have you told him how you feel? Communication is going to be critical with you and your man. Try to engage him in things he likes to do, maybe he has some interests which you enjoy and both of you can build on. The crazy thing with your relationship is that most women complain that their partner stops them from being themselves! You don't have that problem it seems. Independence and communication is sometimes hard to find, work on all the positive parts of your relationship, find something you both are new to and enjoy and go for it girl. Your worrying about something which you can and have the ability to redirect your relationship into something special. You both need something to look forward to together, don't panic about marriage and enjoy each other until you are BOTH ready to take the next step. I doubt that the grass will be greener anywhere else, and if it is you would already know by now. Make him smile and get him wanting to spend more time with you. It sounds as if he is more constrained than you in his behaviour, perhaps though that is what he loves about you. Make some new adventures with just him. It just sounds like a rut and a normal women overanalysing of something you can fix! Good luck and have some fun!
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