A
female
age
36-40,
*cared_07
writes:My dilema my bf just broke up with me a couple days ago saying hes not ready for a relationship. We have been together 4mths and I love him to death the first problem is how do I get him back? the second problem is I honestly believe he left me because im carrying his child and he is to young and can't handle the pressure I guess he is feeling. Im 20 and he is 17 the child was an accident but I dont believe in abortion what so ever and now he also kind of resents me for not wanting the abortion.He said he would stand by me through the scans and birth etc. but he dosn't want the relationship right now however there was a possibility in the future because he still cares for me. How do I win him back? and how do I get him to stop resenting me? Right now were focusing on fixing our friendship up and getting it back on track. I am considering trying to get him to a councilor with me a non bias third party kind of thing would it be a good idea?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): He's only been dating you for a very brief time, certainly not long enough to get to know each other well enough to determine whether you have a good solid future together. If he does not want a relationship with you, there is no way you can get him to change his mind. So that's the first thing you have to come to terms with.
However, you could try getting him to go to a counsellor with you, but if he won't, you should certainly go on your own.
You now have to consider the future. You say you don't believe in abortion. Therefore: are you prepared to raise the child and be solely responsible for its upbringing all by yourself? This means days spent with your baby (unless you can afford nursery care or a babysitter); buying the clothes, diapers, food, medicines he/she will need; paying for school supplies, and the cost of education, medical bills; and guiding him/her through childhood and the teenage years.
Would your parents be willing to help you with all this?
The boyfriend MAY support and stand by you through the pregnancy and birth, BUT is he going to be willing to provide financial and emotional support to his child (though not to YOU, since he doesn't want a relationship with you) for the next 20 - yes, TWENTY - years until your child is an adult?
It will not be impossible, but it will be very difficult, for you to pursue and hold down a good job, or pursue a career, with a young child. Likewise, very difficult, but again, not impossible, to go out with your women friends; go on dates, or just pick up and go somewhere for a weekend away, or a vacation, just you and friends together.
You had better give long and serious thought to all these issues before deciding whether you want to keep the baby, or give it up for adoption, since you say you don't want to have an abortion.
Hope this gets you started thinking.
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