A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a rare brand of guy, I'm 22 and a virgin.I've been with my girlfriend for slightly under five years now. We never had sex yet because well, I always assumed at some point she would get birth control.I was hoping she'd get the birth control so we could use it in conjunction with condoms for added protection and peice of mind. But she's worried about how healtly the pill is, and personally I don't blame her.I want to have sex, she wants to have sex, but quite frankly I'm scared. Condoms and spermicide are my obvious choices, but I really feel I should be more focused on her than on being nervous.Any advice/words of encouragement?
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condom, sperm, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on waiting. You have no idea how often people give away the one thing that they have control over, to someone who they think they love, and honestly its just for the sex.
Now, so far as it goes, if you use condoms and spermacides and if your girlfriend goes on the pill, you will be fine. The chances of her falling pregnant will be reduced greatly by both of you using contraception. If her contraception fails, then there is still the condom to protect. Ensure though that you put the condom on right!
The pill is safe, with very few people having any side effects. She will just need to find the one that is right for her. Any GP will be able to advise her on that, but honestly it is very safe!
Just relax and enjoy the moment! No point in rushing it because you want to do it! Take it slow, and I can honestly say, it will be well worth the wait!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): if you have been with the same girl this long, you must really care about each other. i think it's something clearly worth walking into a doctor's office together about. maybe they can help with your desicion or to calm your fears. remember though, abstinense is the only true bet i know of to prevent pregnancy. after being together for so long, if you were to accidently become pregnant, i think you should be mature enough in the relationship to work it out.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (2 July 2007):
Statistically condoms and spermicidal cream are nearly as protective as the pill anyway, it depends on how careful you are. Based on the fact that you have waited 5 years because of this, I expect that you would be a lot more careful than most. You could try to be extra careful around the time that she is ovulating. This is about 3 days per month. The pill can cause problems, but it isn’t much added risk, especially if she’s young, doesn’t smoke and is generally healthy. The more modern brands are supposed to be safer. Can she speak to her doctor about this? He/she would check on her family medical history and her own health. She might then decide that the risks are low enough. When I was on the pill, my doctor checked my blood pressure every 6 months, and I felt very safe. I stopped at age 35, after which the risks do increase. There are other methods which her doctor will discuss – like the coil.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (2 July 2007):
 You're not that rare, being a 22 year old virgin.. talk to her, and the pill does have side effects but the side effects arnt deadly or anything.. you cant help your nerves and im sure she is the same.. keep showing your love to her, and gently dropping the pill into the conversation.. hope i help, mail me if u wanna talk x x x x
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