A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and girlfriend been dating for almost 4 years now. I live on my own, she lives with parents. For first year it was great, we got on so well, you couldn’t keep us apart, we were so happy. Then she left me when I was accused of stealing from work because she worked at same place. I was cleared of everything but mud sticks!After 3 months we got back together, but it has never been same. When we split she told everyone we had. Since getting back together, no one knows because that’s how she wants it. We been back together almost 3 years and as time as gone by it gets more and more frustrating for me, which then gets to her and brings her down.We cant be a normal couple, I cant visit her whenever I want because her parents don’t know we together and she thinks they will disown her if they find out. She hardly visits me, and when she does we have nothing to say. Its n effort now to be with her. we have to sneak around so no one sees us and its just getting to me too much now. It wouldn’t be so bad if she had her own place, then at least I could go there and we could be more of a couple, but she is making no attempt to get her own place.Because of the situation we are in, it gets us both down, and we argue more and more. And while we are like this she wont comit to anything and definitely wont tell her friends we are together. We argue because we stuck in this position, but she move on because we argue. She doesn’t want to live in a home were we both argue, and neither do i. But the arguments are because we not movin on. If we had our own place then we wouldn’t argue about not havin our own place and not seeing each other.Then when we talk about our relationship and why we still in it, she says things like, she made her bed so now she has to lie in it, and, she give up so much that she staying so she got something to show for it. That doesn’t fill mewith confidence, not once does she says she in it because she loves me and wants to be with me.She point blank will not tell anyone we are together until things between us improve. But things wont improve until we can start moving forward, and we cant move forward until we can be a proper couple and not live in secret and sneak around all the time. But I cant get that through to her.She got stuff going on that she wont tell me about which is dragging her down, and our relationship as it is, is draining her so she cant deal with the other stuff.Any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I too was in a relationship similar to yours and it was the worse thing ever and never did it change and neither did he and he knew how much the situation hurt and bothered me but was to selfish to care how i felt
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 How old is your girlfriend? I'm going to assume she's younger because she lives with her parents, and that they would disown her if they found out about you. Or is it still about the accusations against you? Please clarify.
It sounds like this relationship is an inconvenience to her. You have your own place, but she doesn't want to move in..because her parents might disown her. Well if she's an adult she's perfectly capable of making her own decisions. Unless she's not moving in because she knows that this relationship is going to end soon. She could make the effort to sneak around and see you, but she doesn't want to.
I see you making the effort, but I don't see her making the effort to make this work. She's too concerned about what other people will think or if they will shun her because she's with you. Also, I see because of this she feels like she has hit a dead end in this relationship. On top of that, it sounds like she has some personal issues going on as well. Personally, I would break it off because this relationship has gone stalemate. You shouldn't have to sneak around if you're both adults..and one person can't try to make the relationship work. It requires effort from BOTH parties.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): why are you with someone who is ashamed to b with you? if i were you,id b on to the nxt one. find some1 you can go out in public with,someone who excepts you for you,someone you dont have to constatly argue with. life is too short.
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