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male
age
36-40,
*ormant
writes: Ok, first question I've ever submitted to an agony aunt of any kind. Here goes...First some background information - I am 21, living in the UK and I have a very high sex drive.Me and my gf have been going out for about 3 and a half years now. Before I met her, the longest relationship I ever had was a couple of months. I fell wildly in love with this girl. Hell, I'm still wildly in love with this girl. Everything about her is perfect to me, except for the fact we haven't had sex.She told me on our first date that she had nearly no experience with men and that I shouldn't expect her to be physical. I thought I could handle that. It was months before we even kissed beyond a peck on the cheek. Still, I found myself falling more and more in love with her.Eventually, she lost her fear of masturbation, discovered her orgasm and began to enjoy sexual contact. However, she has a deep-seated fear of pregnancy and will not involve my penis in any of our sexual activities. She enjoys what we do, and asks for it frequently, she masturbates regularly when I am not around, and her sex drive is probably similar to mine. I love to give her pleasure, and it turns me on to do so, but if I do so much as scratch my balls she insists I wash my hands before touching her.She is afraid of the pill and condoms because there is still a risk that they will fail. She wants me to have a vasectomy, but at 21 I'm not certain I'll get one on the NHS and privately they're expensive. (I don't have a problem with a vasectomy - I have no desire to have children).Because of her paranoia of pregnancy and thus semen, she doesn't even want me to masturbate anywhere she might be in case any semen is left. I have masturbated out of sheer frustration whenever she is not around, but I immediately feel guilty afterwards for lying to her. I know she has a high sex drive, and I know she wants to have sex with me (she has said so on several occasions). My question is this: Should I exit this relationship, even though I am madly in love, due to this incredible frustration I am suffering, or should I pay to have somebody cut my tubes?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): If it's a vasectomy or her, I say dump her. You may not have a desire for children now, but you're just 21, you don't know how you'll feel in 10-20 years. I hope you're aware it's not just expensive but irreversible and you're too young for that.I'm assuming that she's asking you to get a vasectomy because she wants children in the future, or at least the possibility, but obviously, it's a future without you.She's got issues that go beyond not being physical or not being prepared for sex and she must solved them. She obviously doesn't have a clue on how you get pregnant, making you wash your hands because you've scratch your balls is excesive. Family planning clinics can help you decide what's the best form of contraception for you too.Is she sure on her sexual identity? The fact that she likes sex but doesn't want to involve the penis makes me think that she's gay. She might not be, but I think she (and you) should consider that possibility.Please whatever you do, don't do anything rush. You shouldn't be considering vasectomy at your age.Take care
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