A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guysthanks a lot for spendin time in order to help me with my situationi ve been with my girlfriend for ages and we actually been talkin about gettin married and spendin the rest of our lives togetherwe truly love eashother so much but the thing is . WE REALLY HAVE NOTHIN IN COMMUN its weird isnt it ? i mean i know that i love her so much and so does she but i just dont get howcome we both have the feeling to get married even tho we really dnt like the same stuff, we dont even like the same food or have the same taste or anythingim actually wonderin if that really does not matter coz im sure it doesmaybe we just lasted so long coz we dont live in the same house but what if we get married and face these stuff. how would we manage that. im pretty sure love aint enough when it comes to marriagei just need some real advice to see where im goingor if i should really consider gettin married or noteven tho im crazy about my girlfriendthnx a lot Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Velvet  +, writes (5 September 2010):
You want to have some things is common with your girlfriend. This can be what you like to do in your spare time, go for a walk, cook, travel, etc.
Most people assume that you need to have the foundation to be very much inline e.g. religion, but that is not true. This worked back during the times of our parents because that is what they looked for but in 2010 things have changed. We see countless articles published where having things in common like family, values, religion, education are the key common things successful couples have lasting so long, but what we fail to see is that these individuals lived in a different era.
Education, values, principles, communication are what I am seeing as positive health indicators when it comes to relationships.
Try living with each other, see how it goes for 6months, 9months. Living with each other gives you a better idea of what your 'married' life would be like.
But try and explore things together at the same time, go catch a movie and see if you have the same taste or use this as an opportunity to explore new interests.
FYI - Asking friends can be a good/bad thing. Friend reflect the energy you give off. If you reflect 'doubt' or 'uncertainty', the will tell you 'no, marriage is not right'. If you present a happy, picturesque persona, they will say 'yes' with zest. It is your life, your decision...sometimes your friends can give you advise because maybe they like her and she is a good friend or they just can't stand her. Unfortunately, the same is true for family members (Note: The No.2 cause of divorce in 2009 is family members (30%)). I have had numerous couples I have counseled because of family/friends intrusive intrusion(s)...
Ask yourself, without anyone's input influencing you, do you love her; does she make you happy (again, forget what people have told you about her and pointed out your differences); can you see yourself being happy with her and if so why (imagine you two stuck on an island, this usually helps your response)? If it is all yes, live together and try it out...
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Hi there. Well you say you love each other and although this is good, you do need to have some common ground together to make it work.
You don't have to be the same with everything, just so long as it doesn't cause any real friction between you to make you both unhappy in any way.
There must be something there, otherwise you wound'nt have stayed together for so long.
It is important to have your own interests and hobbies and some separate friends as well. So make sure you both have these things happening in your individual lives to keep the balance.
Rather than jumping into marriage just yet, perhaps you could try living together for a while to see how it works. They always say that you don't really get to know a person properly until you live with each other.
If I were you, I would discuss this matter with your girlfriend and really talk seriously about the prospect of living in a unit together (renting), for a few months to see how you get along. This will be a really good test for your relationship. Then go from there.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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