A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy a 5 months ago. We get along well and are still getting to know each other. We have something good. Our previous relationships were painful for both of us and the things they he went through in the relationship were horrendous, physical, verbal and mental abuse. I feel physically sick at some of the things that she did to him. When he said he was leaving her she hired 3 men to beat him up. He has been physically impaired ever since. He does talk about it but he stops after a while because it is painful for him I don't pressurize him. I have met his son from the relationship and he is adorable and his family like me too.He says that he is glad he has met me and I bring sunshine into this life.This is the problem.... For the last couple of weeks I feel like something has not been right. I was talking to his brother and I told him how I feel something is not right. I'm thinking of leaving. His brother begged me not to and swore me to secrecy His brother told me that he was married to this woman. But it was a shotgun affair and he only married her because he wanted parental rights because she was using his son against him saying he will never see him again. His brother says that his brother wants to tell me he is married and separated and he is in bits everyday because he does not know how to tell me. He realizes that he should have told me much early on. However, the decision to marry was not a decision he is proud of as she only married him on the condition that none of his family attend the wedding. He feels so ashamed about it.She is not on the scene anymore she has moved abroad with the guy she was having an affair with and she left their son with him. She is refusing to divorce him.What do I do? I feel hurt that he has not told me. At the same time I feel for him maybe it is just taking him time to open more about it. We have a holiday booked in a couple months maybe he will tell me when we are away?Should I stay with him or do you think this is just a lie and i should move on.
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affair, divorce, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): This guy's pretty messed up to have gotten himself into this mess. Best to stay away from him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): Did he file criminal charges against her for hiring people to assault him, leaving him disabled???
I would suggest that he speak to a lawyer about not only that, but also about how to get out of this marriage and retain the rights to his son.
you've only known him for 5 months, I think you can give him more time but tread carefully. He sounds like he has a history of bad judgments and you never know what other unwise decision he is going to make that gets himself into a bigger mess with his wife.
it sounds like he is very weak or maybe not very bright if he gets threatened and blackmailed by his wife and his only solution is to cave in to her (rather than, I don't know...call a lawyer or the police). if he doesn't learn to stop going through life giving into her blackmail then you should leave him or he will drag you on a roller coaster with him.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 "It sounds like a gangster movie"
Sure does. So, don't be like those idiots in horror movies who have clearly never seen horror movies themselves since they make every move that will only put them in further danger.
Something isn't right here, and I don't suggest you stick around to figure out what it is. I mean, didn't you feel weird typing some of that, like the bit about his wife supposedly hiring people to beat him up? In what universe does that happen?
Five months isn't long enough to stick around when things get weird like they have for you. Walk away.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I would distance yourself from this man and his family. This sounds like one messed-up family and you have no idea what you are dealing with. Lies, deceptions, fear, beatings, threats, shotgun marriages…. none of this sounds like it will end up going well for anyone involved.
Don't go on holiday, don't be alone with him from now on. I'd end it and tell him it's just not working for you. He can connect the dots after he speaks to his brother.
Just be sure to tell your friends and family what you are planning to do and be careful for your personal safety.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2013):
 It sounds like a gangster movie... and definitely some serious drama I would avoid like the plague. There is nothing in it for you here...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2013):
So he lied to you about being married ( a lie of omission is still a lie)
and he never told you but his BROTHER told you
did you not ask how he became disabled before this all came to light.
A woman who forced him to marry her so he could see his son and then left him with the child and moved out of the country and won't grant a divorce...
can he not get a divorce on the grounds of abandonment?
I'm betting you are being handed a pack of lies by this man and his brother and family
I would run... far and fast.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): I agree with wise owl. Something just doesn't add up right here.. I mean you know he has a son so why not say he married but separated ? Especially now that it's been 5 months together ..If she did get people to beAt him up and that is a mighty big ' if' then he would have been able to press charges and get his son removed from her custody at that time .. Another thing is, is why would she leave their son with him? I mean she would keep their son and torment him, if she was such a evil person. No??If something smells fishy then it's usually ' fish'. Maybe he was violent? You only have one perspective of their relationship ..I'm not saying you should get rid of him, but I think you should back of until you have a big more of the situation .. There are too many weird people going around nowadays and you have to be on your toes ..If she is what he says she is ( and this is true) then I would back off this could end very badly for you . Take care.. And keep us posted as we care !! X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Stay as far away from this situation as you possibly can.
If his wife hired someone to beat him up; what do you think she'll do about you? He held back some very vital information, and his life is an absolute mess.
You need to pull out of this crazy situation. I don't care what his family says. He shares a child with that woman, and divorced or not; she will be in his life if he wants to see the child. If he can't get full custody of the child; he is at her mercy to see him.
This situation is far too complicated for a relationship to survive it. You could even get hurt. I mean both emotionally and physically.
Get out of it. He doesn't even have his act together enough to handle a brutal woman who has his son. If she is capable of getting people to beat him up, why didn't he file charges and fight for custody? She would be a criminal for such alleged actions.
Sweetie, you've gotten yourself into a mess. Get out, and leave this as far behind you as possible. Block him from your phone, or she will find your number and harass you.
Now you know all the details.
You don't need to be a part of this drama.
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