A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am meeting with the in-laws tonight for a "nice dinner" and dread it. My husband and I have had problems, stemming from drinking too much. Last Saturday, it culminated in a huge fight after he and a friend snorted a bunch of coke and drank a bottle of whiskey each, and I found the brandy bottle. He left after much pushing and screaming (and calling his parents to involve them in the fight) and I called the cops. No one was arrested, but it was highly embarrassing. Alcohol was the fire, and his drug use was the fuel poured on top. His family is very snooty and they consider us to be done and that we should be divorced immediately. When sober we are the luckiest couple in the world. I have made a commitment to stop drinking and he has made a commitment to lay off the drugs and try to quit drinking so much and stay away from that bad influence friend. Now, the parents want to meet with me and discuss the divorce. My husband and I have agreed that we love each other, agreed on the root of the problem and the solution, and have promised each other to find our center and forge forward with our marriage without the substance abuse (neither of us are addicted, it is occasional). I will be respectful of the parents and their opinions tonight, will appologise, but honestly feel that they are not objective marriage counselors due to the overwhelming love they feel for their son. My feeling is that we need to work this out on our own and either stay together, or not, and that our marriage needs to be between us. Firstly, his parents control everything in our lives as they own our home, employ my husband, and control the purse strings. I am independent financially, which they are gleeful for and will use against me in a divorce. I married the family, not just the man. Gosh, what a mess, anyone want to chime in?
View related questions:
divorce, drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVerbal abuse leaves no marks, it is done around no one, as he says, I am simply a crazy woman with hormonal problems, look mom, see how nice I treat her? See how mean and crazy she is?
Life is not always perfect, nor is marriage. In his defense, he is a very good provider, very loving, faithful, home every night, and we are the perfect couple on the outside, we live in the best of conditions, have more than most can imagine, home in the city, homes in the country, boat at her mooring right off the dock. For me to complain is rediculous. This is an age-old problem, and I suppose no one here can help me. It is just nice to vent, as I have no one else I can talk to about this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): When they hold the purse strings they are a pain in the butt. My advice would be to put up a united front, get a new place to rent, find a new job, or put up with it, as you won't get no peace with interfering.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I would love it if we could stand united to them; however, my husband is so darn mad at me for calling the cops, humiliating him, embarrasing him in front of the neighbors (lights, cop cars, etc.) that he cannot see straight. He has threatened that if I ever do call the cops again, he will give me a reason to (nose smeared all over face). Then he calms down and appologizes, then he talks to his mother, who riles him up all over again. I only have half of him united with me at this point in time. Perhaps it will get better by next week.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Gina's right, united you stand divided you fall. As long as the parents see a united front I think they will back off.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe largest problem that the parents have is that I called the cops. They consider this the ultimate betrayal in a marriage, and my husband agrees with them. I cannot appologize enough. It makes no matter that I was scared (he's 270 lbs, I am 120 lbs), drunk, mad, not thinking straight nor was I thinking about the consequences. The police called his parents (house in their name) and my head is about to be severed.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband and his mother are unusually close, and I knew this going into the marriage. They talk constantly by cell phone, when not running the business together. He worships his father, but doesn't have a good relationship. To tell the truth, I feel like the marital bed is a bit crowded. BUT, I knew this when I married him. As for children, we have been on fertility treatments for six months, and I think that part of the stress and emotions stem from this too. He just called, and told me that he weasled us out of the dinner tonight, pushed it off until next week to give me some air. WHEW. Still, I know they are going to push the big-D.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2009):
If you and your husband stand united, you should be able to convince the parents to back off and let you guys get on with your recovery plans. I mean it's actually in their own best interests, a healthy son, employee, and tenant. I hope you will use all the resources available to get off the sauce and drugs. Don't try to do it all by yourslves, you'll have more success if you use professional help. Do you have children?
...............................
|
