A
female
age
30-35,
*ovemylove
writes:Hey everyone, I have a very close friend and we hve great chemistry. He has liked me for a while now he said, and he would love to go out with me. I told him I'd think about it, but I'm sure I'll say yes because he is such a great funny and cute guy. He only has one problem. He has no real friends! He has his own group at school but he doesn't really hang out with them outside of school much. (mostly from a problem that happened. It's a long story, not his fault). Anyway, I always encourage him to hang out with other people because I don't want him to feel I'm his only outlet. He mostly hangs out with his older brother. I suppose it's really not a big deal since he can just talk to his older brother, but what are you're feelings on this matter? We are both juniors in high school and he is going to probably go into the airforce (where I'm sure he'll make a lot of friends there and close companions) but even he tells me that he wishes he had a lot more close friends such as myself. Thoughts and advice is appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovemylove +, writes (31 December 2010):
lovemylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for the feedback so far! Yes I am most definitely going to say yes to him. Abella, you are like a mind wizard. He is somewhat shy but I have introduced him to a lot of my friends and he has gotten some good charismatic skills. He is so kind and alll my friends agree that we would make a really good match. He has recently told me all this past secrets and he has had one of the worst and hardest lives I have ever heard. He tells me he has a hard time really opening to people because so many things have happened and it's hard for him to tell people. I'm the only one who knows these secrets. I understand and realize that I really care about him and only want him to be happy. He says he knows he will be able to make close companions in his future job (which I'm sure he'll get into because he is super smart (borderline genius) and really athletic) thank you for the help, I hope this won't be a further issue for his sake. 3
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 December 2010):
 What a lovely respectful guy. He's not pressuring you. He's asked you, he's happy to give you think time. And he's probably crossing his fingers awaiting your decision.
He definitely likes you.
You are thinking this through carefully too, and one issue particularly concerns you about this guy. His lack of real friends.
(A) can often see a unique skill or character trait in their intended(B), that is a trait or skill that (A) wished they had - but do not yet have. Funnily their partner(B) has felt the same about another trait the (B) feels needs improving in (B).
But joined together (A) +(B) and working as a team they perfectly compliment each other.
Your post reminded me of the proverb of a matching couple: ''jack spratt could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean''.
And I wonder if you are a skilled communicator and a good friend, where he has marvelled at your skills in this regard.
I am very pleased for you, that you sense good chemistry between the two of you. Because that is important.
What do you think are some of his unique skills?
You've mentioned that he's cute and funny. He does have a group he interacts with at school. But mainly only at school. So he is not entirely friendless. And he does talk things over with his older brother. And he can communicate with you. So he has access to wise counsel when he needs it. He may be a more reserved deep thinker. And it seems he is already thinking out his future, and attracted to that job, in part, because he can make friends in the Air Force. He sounds responsible and a nice guy.
And while thinking things out, he has identified you as the girl he likes. Whether he can convince you, is another matter.
He does not seem a loner. Because he is seeking to work where teamwork and getting on well with a diverse range of people is essential, in the Air Force. There he will learn new skills and establish long term friendships with the guys he works with.
But I can understand that you don't want to be his whole focus.
Does he use some of his 'free' time working in a part time job, or play a lot of computer games, or sport or a enjoy a hobby?
Or study and read a lot? Some deep thinkers are just more contemplative than others.
I know his lack of (numbers) of real friends represents an issue.
Yet quantity is not preferable to quality. He may be especially discerning and analyse people untill he distills it down to the pick of the crop.
And throughout life we continue to add friends. I agree with you that participarion in the Air Force is likely to add more friends.
Some people are just so much more cautious about adding friends too hastily. That can mean they take their time to reach out to new people. Where others would confidently jump in.
Though there may also be personal set-back in his past, that resulted in this cautious approach, before he allows himself to trust another person. .
i think the clue to his hesitation is the matter you mention that 'happened a long time ago', but 'it was not his fault.'
Whatever it was that happened, I think it has made him overly cautious. And very reserved, unless he knows the other
person really well, such as his brother.
But time and maybe more life experience may lead to him relaxing his caution -and making friends more easily, as he grows in confidence - only time will tell.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 December 2010):
I understand why this may worry you but do not judge him for not having friends.
I was in his position a few years ago, when my group of friends abandoned me because of us failing a huge group assignment (and thus failing the class as well). My mom had gotten really ill during that time so I stayed with her a lot because the doctors had said she might not make it. My group of friends said I was abandoning my tasks while I was working nights to keep my end of the bargain. I never forgave them for that and they never once thought that their own quality of work might have had anything to do with us failing.
Anyway, after that I didn't have any friends, save one that I had since childhood. These days I have more friends, but they can all be counted on one hand. Does that make me less of a person? I think not. It has made me more independent and I think a better judge of character because I know real friends are hard to come by.
The military (any branch) is well known for the tight bonds that people develop there. So I think his lack of friends is not going to stay a problem for long. So if this is all that is holding you back, I say go for it.
Hope this was helpful
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A
female
reader, sexy09 +, writes (31 December 2010):
who cares who or how many friends he has.. u said it urself u both click together very well. girl stop tripin!!!
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