A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. My question is in regards to our sex life. I feel like I want sex too much, several times a day but I'm content with just once before bed. Thing is, I never feel like he wants it. He never touches me or does anything in the foreplay department. I wish he'd pursue the sex sometimes instead of me always asking for it. Granted, he always gives it to me whenever I ask and the sex is amazing considering I get off almost every time BUT sometimes I wish he'd go after it or give me some foreplay action. I've tried to avoid going after sex to see if he'd want it and also I've been hinting at it lately but it seems to be in vain. Clearly our sex drives differ, it's almost as if I'm the guy in this relationship! I probably sound completely crazy and selfish, but is there anything I can do?
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foreplay, libido, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): you are suffering a man with a lower libido than you. And he is a seriously inadequate selfish lover if he will not do foreplay. You DO deserve better than that. There is nothing wrong with having a high libido, many women do. Cherish and value your sexuality. I enjoy sex every morning before i go off to work. On the way home from work my thoughts are always on having sex with my patner. My partner and i sometimes set aside a whole weekend from Friday night through Saturday and into Sunday for unbridled passion. I was once with a partner who thought twice a week was enough. I was climbing the wall. My partner once had a partner who thought once every 6 weeks was 'enough'. All that changed for us both when we met, and we are now utterly satisfied, but also still full of desire for each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Wait, he won't give you any foreplay action and you think you are the one who is selfish? You really need to talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): You could try changing the routine up a bit, like doing something different (and I don't mean doing something different in bed). I mean maybe backing off a bit, act a little distant. Stop asking for sex. See if he eventually brings it up or wants it. Give it a week. If in a week he doesn't bring it up or even notice that you both have not had sex, then it could be that he is gay.
However, if within a week he initiates sex, then there is hope. It might be that he has a lower libido or it could be something else. Maybe it could be that he is not as experienced and feels intimidated. That will kill any guy's libido. In that case, bring yourself down to his level and act like you are not that experienced either. Ask him to teach you some stuff, to show you. You both can learn together. Make him feel like the man.
Worse case scenario, he does have a low libido in general. In that case I am not sure there is much you can do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 I think you just need to be completely honest with him, tell him that you feel like you do all the chasing and it makes you think that sometimes he doesnt want to have sex with you he is just doing it because you want it. Be honest with him its the best way honestly it is, also say to him that you would like to spice things up and do some foreplay before you have intercourse, it sounds to me like you have both just got in to a habit of you asking and you both having intercourse without foreplay. He probably has no idea that you feel this way.
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