A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for over a year and both know we could spend the rest of our lives together, but not yet. About three weeks ago he told me he needed a break to experience new things, but still loved me, and this was not permanent. He told me to experiment too, and make the best of this time. We still hang out, we are best friends, it has been hard for us both to let go. We also still occasionally are intimate, say I Love You, and that we miss each other. I have been on a date, and realized I was not at all ready. He has been on a date with a girl who is all about him, they talk a lot. He has made it clear to her its all about hooking up, and someone else had his heart. I am not ready for this. We were together for a year, and its been 3 weeks. I am thinking about telling him I am not ready for him to be with someone else yet. I am going to tell him to either stop things with her for a little bit, or lose my friendship all together. I know he values my friendship, we talk and see each other everyday. Is this a bad idea?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Yes, its a bad idea. If he wanted a break to "experiment" he has no business being intimate with you at present, occasionally or not.No wonder you don't feel ready for him to be with someone else. He rushed into it pretty quickly, don't you think?If you break up and both date others, so long as there is no sex involved, that's one thing, and perfectly acceptable. Once you (or he) gets into bed with one of the others, then all bets are off: he shouldn't be seeing, let alone having sex with, you or anybody else.Either break up COMPLETELY and have no contact (platonic friends, or friends with benefits) OR come to a mutual decision to try to work things out together.However, trying to work things out together with him is not a good idea at this point, because its only been three weeks. He's nowhere near ready to try that, nor is he ready to give up this other one - and you only have his word for it that he's telling he's only dating her for sex -if she's got any smarts she won't put up with him for very long on that basis.YOU shouldn't be putting up with his behavior either!
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 hi
you guys really love each other, wanting to torture each other like this its beyond me. frankly speaking being friends with somebody you are still inlove with is never a wise thing to do in other words its stupid. either you guys break it off completely and let nature take its course or you get back together and experiment whatever together. many couples nowadays opt for open relationships so why dont you try that if experimenting with other people is so important to you? from what i hear its hassle free. otherwise you will end up sworn enemies because he flaunt those girls on your face and you will have to smile and wish him the best and belive me thats a ticket to a slow death. i mean really do you think he will be able to wait for you to be ready for him to move on? come....on lets be real. get used to the idea or get him back if he is worth fighting for because he might be telling these girls his heart is with you but for how long?
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