A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend now for over 7 years. We met when she was 15 turning 16 and I just turned 19. At first we became friends because of common interests and where we were from. When she turned 18 she moved out of her parents house and so did I to get our own place. Her family was always against me for some reason, even from the first time they saw me there was something they didn’t like about me. Over the last year or two we have been fighting a lot and we grown apart.In the 7 years we have taken one 6 month break from eachother and I attempted to break up with her two times. These were my mistakes. I admit to them, I hurt the girl and I understand that now.. I was young and I didn’t know any better.Last time I talked to her about breaking up was in January 8 months ago.. Since then, she said she lots all of her feelings for me and all of the love. She tried breaking up with me but I begged her to stay and that things would change. I did change a ton, I started to give her more time, Doing things I haven’t done in the past. I have went out of my way to make her happy, but it did not help at all.. Since January my 23 year old GF has met a guy that is a “friend” that she hikes with a lot. This man is 55 and is just after a divorce. He is clearly trying to get with her because of the sexual comments he sends her on email and TXT and I can only imagine what he tells her in person… She thinks its funny and it’s friendly comments and nothing else. I know better, because I am a man… that this guy is seeing an opportunity to break up apart and get what he wants from this young woman, yet she is completely blind to this.She has lied constantly about hanging out with this man, lied to my face when I confronted her about it. She does not feel anything when I tell her it hurts me very much. She says shes finished and wants out to be free and single.We have only been with eachother and no one else. Just as I am curious I am sure she is curious of the world out there.. However I love this girl so much that I have kept myself true to her and never cheated on her.. All of her friends – which primarily consist of order people going through divorce or been through it already – tell her that she should be single and free and experience the world. Her “friend” tells her the same… Since her parents hate me, they say she should leave me.. This girl is living other peoples lives as they have experienced it negatively. She holds the fact that after 7 years I have not proposed to her. I am not sure why, im afraid.. I admit it, but I love her and I have never cheated on her. I always come home to her. Is that a good enough reason for her to leave me? IS her continuous lying to me just to avoid some kind of conflict? Is this love worth saving and fighting for or is it over and is it time to move on… after 7 years! Neither of us has cheated. I believe it is the people she chooses to be around are making her decisions for her and she listens to them because they make that world so perfect.. single and no one to worry about. We have something so beautiful and rare.. Just the two of us and never with anyone else. Is this alone worth the fight? When do you give up? Is she just confused?She broke up with me last night, said she is done and does not love me anymore.. Said she wants to be single and do what she wants. These are not words that she would say but words of her “friend” . I know this because ive been with her for the last 7 years and I know what she would say and not say. Do I just let this go and learn from it or do I keep fighting to keep this alive? How can something like this be fixed when her whole world is against me with no friends in sight that push her to save this love? I have made mistakes in the past, I admit them all to her, I am human and I am willing to change.. I have changed already and she acknowledged these changes. Is she just confused because of what the people in her life tell her? I confronted her last night about the lying and asked for her to be honest with me just that one last time, just one time out of the 7 years and she refused to tell me the truth. She refused to be honest with me on our last day together. Why? How does a person become so heartless? Is it her or is it her friends talking? What do I do????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): But I realized how much I love this girl.... last night she told me that there is no way she wants to continue this.. that her love is completely gone, there is nothing that I can do to change her mind. but she is a kind person.. she still let me hug her at night and shes not greedy... when coming to the seperation of things she is more than fair... almost too fair.. but she says thats shes compeltely done.. that i've hurt her too much by breaking up with her in the past and doing the same mistakes again... i admit all of my mistakes.
we have only been together with ourselves.. we were our firsts in everything.. i dont want to lose that.. for some reason i find that very special and it will never be again with anyone like this..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): 7 years is a long time to be a couple that hasn't seriously discussed marriage.
At this point she likely thinks you aren't serious about marrying her.
Scared...what can you possibly be scared of?! Show her you are a man and take some initiative...ask her to marry you or stop wasting her time...marriage is obviously important to her, if she's so important to you you will do right by her...
if she's done with you, learn from this and let your next relationship benefit from your experience...all girls expect some attention (put down the video games and do something together like make/eat dinner...give her affection like an unexpected back rub...those sorts of things), some girls do expect marriage and they tell you their expectations.
If you regularly become stressed/anxious in social situations you may need counselling...plz consider it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): This is why I say people should never play around with the feelings or others esp. if they don't know what they want. Although you come off as being sincere and having changed your ways, in addition it was AFTER you broke up with her twice and the mistakes you made earlier on in the relationship to hurt this woman. Some people never forget how they were treated and although she may have stayed in the relationship with you, maybe she never forgot or was able to move past it emotionally. A person can become heartless for a number of reasons...being treated badly is one of them.
All you can do is move on..give her space, but not too much space. If she chooses to move on even after you have changed and gotten closer to her over the years it will be her lost when she realizes that the grass isn't greener on the other side. As far as that 50 year old man is concerned..he is trying to take advantage of her and she doesn't even realize it and probably won't until it's too late. What the hell does a 50 year man want with a 23 year woman? SEX most likely..someone to make him feel YOUNG again.
Don't sweat her and don't do anything silly or stupid to get her to come back to you. Don't allow her to use your life as a revolving door either, if she leaves she should stay gone forever. If you have grown to love and care about her as you say, it will be hard for you to leave her for good, but if that is what needs to be done, then so be it. Next time if and when you move on to another relationship don't play games, toy around with the person's feelings and break up with them over something silly and stupid. Let this relationship be a learning lesson for you.
Also, you are not entitled to marry her even after 7 years and to be honest she isn't looking for that either as she told you that she wants to be single. Don't let her trap you..if she is acting out now, imagine how she will be acting if you put a ring on it. Besides, I think she is too immature to get married as she doesn't know what it takes to have a healthy relationship with anyone, if she isn't making silly choices, she is listening to people who don't have her best interest at heart. This is NOT the type of woman you want to marry anyways so don't allow her to shame you into doing it. DON'T MARRY THIS WOMAN it maybe the biggest mistake of your life. Right now, she isn't marriage material.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (29 July 2010):
move on .. as much as it hurts, you need to move on, maybe her love really did die and she is wanting to expierence new people and things, its very sad but dont you want her to be happy even if it is not with you??????
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