A
female
age
,
*s. Boop
writes:Hi All,I have been with my fiance going on 9 years. We got engaged a year and a half ago but have never discussed wedding plans, his choice....whenever i used to begin, he would change the subject, now i don't bother. He is divorced and has a 21 year old son whom i have never met, i have asked to meet him but he does not even know i exist which i found that out a few months ago when i brought the subject up and he said that since he is trying to form a better relationship with his son, he is not ready now. I love him but for a while now he does not call me during the week and i only see him on fridays when he comes over to spend the night. I have so many years invested in this relationship and although he tells me that he loves me, i feel as if maybe he has found another woman who might interest him more? He says no but why else is he so distant? I am seriously thinking on not pursuing this relationship any longer, any advice?Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 February 2010):
 You answered your own question. Re-read it carefully, and ask yourself this: In a "relationship" that is satisfying, should either partner treat the other the way you had been treated here?
The other question is, why would you allow this treatment for the length of time it's gone on? In a way, we train people how to treat us. If we keep giving without receiving, the end result of that of lack of satisfaction, diminished respect, and accepting a lower sense of self which takes place over a period of time, waiting for changes that aren't happening.
Getting married, but not talking about or making plans (words and no action), engaged, but kept from meeting someone who's a big part of your, to be husbands life, this shows disrespect, and that his intent is not to get married. In fact, I would play my cards that proposal was to give you the sense of it being real, where his intent was to keep you around for his Friday night pleasure.
Sounds bad, but the truth is sometimes what we choose not to face. We desire love, and togetherness, unfortunately with him, I don't believe you're going to be able to find that. I'd move on, write it off as an experience learned, and find someone who's going to unconditionally love you, while you're simultaneously extending the same to them.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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