A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It will be a year next month since I have been dating my boyfriend. Things are going quite well between us and his family accepts me well. We have been spending more time together recently which has always been a pleasure. However, he would randomly ask me/offer me to play with him, and share a shower. Because of his strong religious beliefs, we haven't actually had intercourse yet, which we both agreed it would be okay. The problem lies when he asks and I decline. He would then persist until I raise my voice making me feel bad and uncomfortable for rejecting him. This issue aside we are fine and happy together. Should I be more submissive or stand my ground? I don't want him to think that I have gone off him. Please help, thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): You don't say whether you want to have sex with him or not OP. You also don't say whose decision it was not have sex.
OP his religious beliefs aren't as strong as he says if he keeps pressuring you to break those beliefs is he?
You need to sit him down and talk to him about what he wants. If you don't mind and are ready for a sexual relationship and he wants one too then he needs to say that and not keep getting lost in the heat of the moment.
You both agreed not having sex was okay but obviously it's not okay by him is it? So you need to discuss this matter with him. If he doesn't want to have sex then he has to stop pestering you and if you can't have sex with him you can't allow him to keep pestering you as it's getting annoying.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): It's not like you have only been together 2 days it's fun to explore eachother, it seems like you are both serious about the relationship why keep waiting and waiting?? Sexual frustration can really make a happy relationship turn sour very quickly
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I don't know that I totally agree with YouWish.
Personally, if you are doing the 'technical virgin' thing I think it's a tease at your age more than anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): As its HIS strong religeous beliefs that stop you from having intercourse, then, yes, stand your ground.
He isn't being very fair by teasing you or requesting you oblige him is he? You have made an agreement so he has to stick to it. After a year its quite natural to want to have sex,especially as your spending more time together.But you two can't.
You have to talk to him, tell him to stop the pressure and how it makes you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Since its his standard and request to not engage in pre martial sex then you tell him flat out. Listen, I love you and respect and honour your commitment to adhereing to no pre marital sex.
It was a decision we both made to keep and honour while dating.
Now, you are being dishonest and going back on this commitment and harassing me to 'play' and put ourselves into a situation where sex is more likely to happen.
Why?
So you can have guilt and blame me for not remaining strong, vigilant and uphold such standards?
I expect more from you. Behave. It angers me and betrays the trust.
Then kiss him on the cheek and ask him what he would like for supper.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 March 2012):
 STAND YOUR GROUND!!
My feeling is that he's not respecting your decision by his constant pressure of you. It would be easy to say that he keeps the pressure on you because his hormones keep the pressure on him. However, in this world of acceptable ways to not only relieve sexual pressure, and especially the fact that non-intercourse sexual play designed to relieve his tension is on the table, his constant pressure of you in spite of accommodations for him show a deficiency in respect for your decision.
This is a battle you need to have, as it will set the entire future of your relationship with him. He will pressure. He will try and persuade. His hands may try and wander, but you must not be afraid to raise your voice. You are not rejecting HIM. You are rejecting his overriding of your decision to save intercourse.
Stand your ground. Stand it even if he gives you an ultimatum. Stand it if he gets angry. Stand it if he accuses you of not loving him. Stand it, period. You've given him ways to relieve sexual tension without it, and your religious beliefs must be respected. If he breaks you down, this will be the pattern of your future life together, whatever it will be.
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