A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Hope someone can help me out with this one or advise me at least..... For two years I have been talking to this guy online we are both the same age mid twenties and have everything in common.We met through a chatroom and talked to the same people there and we both got to know each other first as friends and we became close and talked to each other about problems etc and in the last few months we both developed feelings for each other, now we both come from an asian muslim backround which is strict, and unlike our peers we are more open minded and have bonded over the same ideas.He says I know him more intimately than most in real life/offline and he is I know open with me and not anyone else from the same forum we sometimes go to.He has never gave anyone his real name, education, job details etc or anything personal about himself just me and I know he is not in the habit of chatting girls up online too even offline.Now we have agreed to meet up soon, but what is bothering me is I do not know his name nor have his number we have only talked msn grant it for hours at a time..... I asked him but he said I will know when we meet... I just want to know what you guys think... we do have strong feelings for each other that I know for sure I just do not know what to think or do because its a first experience.Thanks a lot for any help you can give or advise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses guys much appreciated... Kind of makes me more confused to be honest... his number thing is because he made a promise to an ex gf that he would not give or ask for a number from anyone online and he said he had to honour his principles and promises and he did question when that was not valid anymore.. I did talk to one of my friends and she said I was crazy and advised against it... I guess anyone sane reading this will think I am crazy but something at the same time feels rights.. those are the niggly issues and yes he does know my offical name and if he asked for my number I would give it to him and I am not in the habit of asking guys for their numbers... maybe its not an issue at all anyways thanks for your advise, maybe I will show him this post and see what he thinks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Very strange indeed not to know his name.
Listen you have to be very careful with this guy, why don't you know his name? Why won't he give you his number?
Somethings not right here. We can be and say anything online.
Get his number and talk to him over the phone first. Get his full name first. So you can tell friends about him. Seriously this sounds very suspect to me. The least worst thing here is that he's just weird about it, he could be married, or he could be a dangerous psycho I'm not kidding.
Seriously there are huge red flags here. Meet him somewhere public for the first time. Don't get in his car, don't take a lift off him and don't have him drop you home. Be very very cautious, something is up. It might be a minor detail such as he's fat and thinks he's ugly, or he could be a dangerous criminal.
No matter how much you trust him online he might not be the guy he says he is. Look you might think you know him, two years might seem like a long time to you gain trust, but you don't even know his name. Why is he hiding that until your first meeting, what is he trying to hide? Because he is hiding something, maybe he's on the sex offenders register and doesn't want you to find out. Maybe he's barred from using computers because he's groomed women before.
Take every precaution and personally I'd suggest bringing a friend. It's not unreasonable to want to know his name or meet somewhere public or bring a friend to meet an online stranger for the first time. If he refuses any of these things then that's a very dangerous sign.
Seriously OP I'm not joking, this has been done before by guys who have spent years pretending to be someone else online to gain a woman's trust only to do unimaginable horrors to her when she was foolish enough to meet up with him.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 'He says I know him more intimately than most in real life/offline and he is I know open with me and not anyone else from the same forum we sometimes go to.'
It's the internet. You're not speaking face to face. He could be telling you anything and making things up as he goes along, how do you know he's being honest with you if you don't even know his name? I find that extremely odd.
'He has never gave anyone his real name, education, job details etc or anything personal about himself just me and I know he is not in the habit of chatting girls up online too even offline.'
Again, how do you know this for sure? People that are so secretive are that way for a reason, and my guess would be it's because he either thinks you won't like the 'real' him or he's trying to stay as anonymous as possible so you can't trace back to him later, in case something happens.
Either way, he's clearly up to something. Use your common sense, if after a certain period of time you know nothing about a person you speak to that often, something's not right. Don't meet him, don't get involved with him. He could he some nasty old man, a rapist, or a serial killer and you'd have no idea until you finally saw him for yourself, but by then it'd be too late.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 I find it very strange you have been chatting for 2 years and dont know his name at least.
Just make if and when you do meet tell someone where your going and meet in a public place and dont go off with him unless your 100% sure hes genuine.
There could be lots of reasons for not giving his name but usually people who dont have something to hide.
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