A
female
age
,
*uesdaysgirl
writes:I was divorced 10 years ago, and have not had a relationship since then. I am not desparate, and am quite happy and content.But I have now met a lovely man who seems crazy about me. The feeling is mutual.The problem seems to be that he has several 'lady friends' and has enjoyed the attentions of these people for some time. I have told him that I dont share my man, and he told me he will sort himself out.He has told me that there is something special about me, and that the good id me is rubbing off on him.This weekend, he has one of his other lady friends staying at his house, just as friends, but he hasnt phoned me to say hi or ask if I'm ok.I'm trying not to be jealous, but am I being nieve in thinking he will give them up for me?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 It sounds like you are being consumed by your emotions. While it is easy for me to say "be patient", I also know how hard it is when all you can think about is that person.
Is it possible that there is a disconnect between what you expect and what he expects? What exactly has he told you about his perspective on this relationship?
If there is a disconnect (and for the moment I will assume that there is), then it's time for you to disengage by finding other things to do. If you can keep your mind on other things then you won't be spend too much time pining for this guy.
Hope this helps. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, tuesdaysgirl +, writes (27 June 2007):
tuesdaysgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi me again.
Last night he asked me out for a lovely meal - and I saw this as my chance. So I dressed up, not too glam, just pretty, feminine, I was relaxed and happy - so was he, and he looked so gorgeous... I am having serious problems here guys. We spent 2 hours laughing, talking, opening up to each other, sharing things about ourselves. He kept touching my had at the table... so nice...When the choc desert came we shared a portion with 2 spoons, as you do, and we giggled all the way through it. When it was time to go, he walked me to my car, thanked me for a lovely evening, and left!! I was shaking all the way home, could hardly drive for the excitiment. I think I'm falling in love with him big time. But today, no calls, no texts, no nothing. What on earth is going on!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 Now you are a classy lady!
I wish he could appreciate you for what you're worth, which is pretty much.
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A
female
reader, tuesdaysgirl +, writes (24 June 2007):
tuesdaysgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your responses, I appreciate it. I am old enough and wise enough to know when something is not quite right, but he so gorgeous! I have just turned 57 but dont look my age and I take care of myself and look good. (I think) and I also know how to make a guy feel good ( without all the sex stuff - there are other ways you know!!) I am probably the only one of his 'lady friends' who has said "no" when he asked me to have sex with him, and I intend to keep it that way until I see a few changes! I also hold a trump card - I know one of his lady friends!! ( not closely, and she doesnt know that I know - nor does he!! but I know her and can make a phone call at any time!!) I have just emailed her to say "hi long time no see, and whats going on in your life?" I am not indictive, and if she is happy with him I will leave well alone, and will exit quietly, but I wouldnt want to see her get hurt either.
This is what they call Girl Power! Dont you just love it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 June 2007):
I don't think the woman is at his home as a friend only. And I don't think he will be leaving them, either. We agony aunts may misjudge people, but I feel that, since he knows how you feel about him, he shouldn't be bringing people into his home, not even as friends, since this could upset you and he could lose you. I wouldn't risk losing the woman I love for the visit of a friend, and I'm sure my friend would understand. Also, we men do leave several women for that special one who will be our wife and bear our children, but I assume that he's about your age, so I don't think he would have such a motivation. If he has any children, they must have grown up by now.Obviously, the other women have not been "special" enough for him to pick just one and leave the rest. Also, I have no idea how many other friends he has, but obviously they all have accepted sharing him. Your entire hopes rest on his finding you so special that he will leave all the others who accept sharing him for you only. I don't want to be pessimistic, as this does happen sometimes, but I'm afraid he won't.Be careful, madam.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): I think you may be naive in thinking that this lady friend is staying over at his house and they just have a platonic relationship....he sounds like he is a confirmed bachelor and he is telling you that he does not intend to give up these women who are orbiting around his world.
If you enjoy his company, there is nothing wrong with that, but realize that you may be one of a stable of women he is keeping...if you want to stand out, don't put up with it, and you did tell him you don't share your man, but did he ask you for an exclusive relationship yet?
If not, don't you ask for it, just be less available, see him only when it is convenient for you, and date some other men and let him be aware of it, that should set his hair on end....and if he really does love you, he will step up to the plate and meet you where you are...and if he doesn't then you know he is not the guy to fall in love with, but have as a good time buddy I guess.
Good luck with that!
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A
female
reader, scarlet_tears +, writes (23 June 2007):
 I think tht whenever men have other friends, especially women, it is perfectly normal to get jealous. Chances are he won't completely give them up for you; after all, they are his friends, and most of the time men do not work like that.
However, you do need to talk to him and explain how he made you feel when his lady friend stayed over and he didn't call you. Hopefully if he cares about you that much and you remind him how you feel, he will tone his behaviour down for you.
I hope this helps, and that you two have a good reltionship together.
All the best!
x
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