A
female
age
30-35,
*weetTenay
writes:I have been with my love for almost 5 years. we have a child and live together. As all relationships experience we have our ups and downsbut always manage to realize what we have. We are both really young. He has just told me he wants to sleep with other women. That it would mean nothing but he feels that every person must fool around until they are ready to settle down. he claims he loves me and our family and would never want it any other way. He wants to experience these flings only with my approval. I feel like I am not good enough for him that he must find it somewhere else. Do i allow him to do this or is it time to let this one go, since cheating is definately a big no no in my book. my opinion of men is the same, they have to sleep around. so is this normal and something Im just going to have to get used to. They say if you love someone you get thru anything and can accept anything. is this ok or am i jus crazy?!?!?! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (30 November 2007):
You are not crazy.He's just being selfish and immature although i know you are both young.He needs to pull his socks up and learn to be a father and act like a husband,more or less.I know it'll hurt you deeply even though you agreed just to make him happy.If he's not serious with the commitment at hand,you.it's best you pick up the pieces and move on.Sorry to say this but you deserve better.
All the best.
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 I married very young and one of the reasons it ended was because I was curious about life outside my partner, I had only ever been with him. Basically everyone has desires to explore their sexuality outside their relationships, its a natural part of life...both male and female.
The interesting thing is I've just finished a book by Kim Coran on this very subject called "Playtime". The moral of this book was that after the couple had gone out with other people, had their fun and found their rekindled love for each other, the woman that he had slept with ended up getting pregnant. In some respects, you can't go back to sowing your wild oats once you have formed that committed relationship. I guess thats why all the oldies tell you you're to young to settle down. As we get older we learn that youth is about exploration and discovery, something hard to do in the confines of a marriage/de facto relationship.
On the other hand, you could try a 3some or swinging. I had a friend who found that worked wonders in her own relationship. You could set limits, such as he could have a woman do oral on him but not intercourse?? And both share in that sexual exploration.
Good Luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Well it is totally normal for 18 year old guys or girls to want to fool around before settling down. But most 18 yr old guys and girls are single with no children!
But his situation is different. He is in a relationship and has a child. It is absolutely unacceptable what he is telling you and that he feels this way. He's already settled down. What's he talking about?? He should have thought of this before you two had a child together.
And you say "They say if you love someone you get thru anything and can accept anything." Well its a two way street. So if you really believe that, then why can't he get through being faithful to you and accepting that he is already settled down??
You are making a HUGE mistake if you put up with this. I don't know how he has the balls to say that to you, but you need to stand up for yourself. He is treating you awful. And your buying into his reasoning?? I mean if my bf said that to me, without hesitation I would throw him out of my house. You are being way too lax and he is just walking all over you.
So NO there is absolutely nothing normal about what is going on. It's just a case of a girl who will put up with ANYTHING and let her bf walk all over her and treat her like shit just to save this 'relationship.' Its just sad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): He wants to have his cake and eat it. In fairness, Looking at the length of time that you got together and the age that you have put down. It sounds as though you both got together at a very young age and have missed out on social growth opportunity. It sounds like he wants to be with you but he wants to have sex with other women. He cannot have both. If you except this he may lose a certain amount of respect for you and your relationship will change. If he feels the need to sleep with other women then right now he is not right for you. Good on him for letting you know how he feels as many guys would just go and do it anyway and cheat. I feel that maybe you should just give him his time away from you to see what else life has to offer and if he returns then you'll know that it was meant to be. In the mean time however, you should not wait around and should try and move on with your life as well. You are both so young. If you love someone set them free, if they return it was meant to be. You could ask him how he'd feel if you did the same. Would he alow you to sleep with him and other guys whilst staying in a relationship. He may say yes as he wants to do it. But I guess that the reality would be much different to what you both are discussing. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): He is being a bit silly. No it is not okay and it is not something which all people need to do or experiance. You are both incredibly young, BUT you are settled down and have a serious relationship with a child. So no darling, if you are totally cool with it then maybe you could handle him being with another women. It does not sound thought as if you are, so then it is not okay.
One good thing about this discussion is that you are having it! Some people can just have sex for sex's sake. I am not one of those and many, many people both men and women would be like this. Your not crazy, you just don't want to share. I beleive this would be a very dangerous game to place in a relationship. I have friends who have open relationships - they are in their late 40's, but even with this type of permission, one of them fell in love with a casual sex partner. So this caused a major problem.
I am not sure how one can separate being with someone like this and not getting emotionally involved. Don't agree if you don't want him to do it and be firm that it is not on.
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