A
female
age
36-40,
*hocked and scared
writes:my partner and i have been together for 5 years, we have a baby and are buying a flat together.everything was going well, we wernt arguing and were acting as loved up and romantic as always.last weekend he took me for a meal and was telling me how happy he wason wednesday night he started talkign to me like we were midway through a conversation in whih he told me that he didnt think our relationship was going anywhere and he didnt feel the same way about me and that we should end ithes moved back with his mum and is expecting me to comes to terms with it and sit down to discuss organising the futurei am shell shocked and heartbroken i didnt think there was problems i was always there for him and always supportive and lovinghe was always telling me he loved me and how perfect things werehes done this three times before but come back but this time seems so certainmy heart is breaking and im so confuseddoes anyone know what could possibly be going on in his mindall i can think is that im just notgood enough anymoreI know he hasnt met anyone else
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): I am a girl and when everythin was goin well for me in a realotinsihp i would end it. Because i would panick tht somethin would go wrong and i would end up gettin hurt. I was selfish and wouldnt think about the other persons feelings and then i would chnage my mind and expect them to drop everythin nd take me back. My advuice is to stay away from this guy because hes just going to keep stinging you along
A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Don't blame yourself!!! Don't let his irrational and inconsiderate behavior make you feel that there's something wrong with you, or that you're not good enough. There is no way for any of us here to know what he's thinking. He could have some mental instability that occasionally rears its head, he could have cheated on you and can't live with you and the guilt, some kind of mid-life crisis, he could have reached a breaking point... it could be anything. So, at his earliest convenience, sit down with him one on one and ask him what the deal is. If you can both go to a marriage counselor, all the better.It must be so difficult what you're going through. But hang in there, and be strong for your child. And don't beat yourself up!
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Wow that was out of the blue then, well from everything you have said it could possibly be the prospect of buying the flat, he could himself just be scared you have a new baby getting a flat all of the sudden he has to become a proper grown up, seen as you have a child together he owes you a full explanation he can't just decide just like that he is off and leave you in limbo.
Try getting him to open up about it more, failing that if you have a good relationship with his mother see if she can shed any light on it as she will have her grand childs best interests at heart.
I really feel for you at this tough time.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): The guy has done this three times before and you have taken him back each and every time. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, he is not committed to this relationship or to being a father, he is a grown man and he has gone back to mommy.
Having a baby and owning a flat with a guy you are not married to is not a good deal for you, you have nothing to show for your 5 year relationship except that child, and that is who you should be thinking of here....it is not a great way to raise a child with a guy who does a disappearing act and happens to be the baby's father.
He either needs to marry you, or you need to divorce yourself from this relationship, but allow him to have one with the baby.
This has nothing to do with you being good enough, this has everything to do with his lack of commitment and maturity and responsibility, he simply is incapable of all of it....I am sorry you are in this mess....Please don't let the next guy take advantage of you in this way, marriage before baby, marriage before buying a home and living together, you want someone who is in it for the long haul, not until as long as it lasts.
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