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We had sex after I warned him I'm interested in more than a physical relationship! How do I speak to him about this now?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2008)
A female , *ubblychick83 writes:

I need some help and advice. I have this male friend, not really a close friend but i used to work with years ago in our local Asda i dont remember him really from there but anyway i had been dating this other man for a few years who he knows (my ex was very popular) anyway we broke up cos he wasnt very nice person and one day i get a phone call from my sister while she is at work saying do you remember Phil(the guy i worked at Asda with and who knew my ex) and i couldnt remember what he looked like or anything but my sister works with him in the police and she gave him my number anyway nothing happened we just txted every now and again and i got the impression and still do he is a bit of a perv where women are concerned he wanted me to send him pictures.

Anyway we flirted now and again and stuff and i was out with my sisters one night and he was out with his friends then it got to a stage when we were alone and he said u can kiss me now they gone and i just went no im not kissing you!! (only cos i think he is a player and perv and wasnt really interested) i told him he was a player and just wants sex and he got really offended by it and being knocked back. i did apologise but i thought he must be what i think or he wouldnt get offended i said to him that if he didnt want just that then wat did he want!! and he said he wanted to get to know me.

Anyway i ended up getting back with the ex i thought he had changed but again we broke up and since then i have been sleeping with this Phil. We talked about it but and i knew it probably would eventually happen as we joked and flirted about it. We have had sex about 5 times when i get a free house or something but the thing is i dont want it just to be sex, i want bit more than that, like going to the cinema or something, he said we can do that and there is a film he wants to go see but he never txts to say wat u doing wanna go to the cinema or something. But then he does txt about other things like how are you? etc and there have been 2 times when he has acted bit jealous. I just don't understand him cause he has been single for 2 or more years and he is the sort of bloke that no girl wants to date just be mates with but i get on well and quite like him and dont want just sex.

I don't understand whats wrong with me, im quite attractive and nice figure i dont know much bout his exs or past relationships so not sure if its something to do with that. Do i speak to him about it? I mean how long does this shagging go on for until i or he finds someone else?? HELP!!!

View related questions: at work, broke up, flirt, his ex, jealous, kissing, my ex, player

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (23 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntHow long does the shagging go on? Until he is tired of you or you realize this is just sex, nothing more.

You told him you want more then meaningless sex, then had the meaningless sex he wanted.

I think you got some very confused ideas about how relationships work.

You describe him as a man no girl wants to date, just be mates with. Right... so not exactly a catch. Fair enough although it raises the question what you are since you DO want to date him. Your low opinion of him does not mean he is obliged to fall on his hands and knees and ask you out.

No not even because he has been dateless for 2 years.

Do you think that because you said you wanted more then just sex, and then had sex with him he is now under an obligation to you? That fucking him sealed the deal?

Doesn't work like that. I think your original opinion of him was correct, he is a player and is just using you for sex.

Your mother never told you that if you give the milk for free, nobody buys the cow? Your logic seems to be, I given him free milk, that means he got to buy me.

Your figure has nothing to do with, all people can be played regardless of their looks. In fact beautiful people are easier because they are arrogant, like you, they cannot believe somebody with their looks would be seen as nothing more then sex.

No point in speaking to him about it, he got what he wanted and as long as he is getting it he is happy, make demands and he will just move on to the next girl.

Chalk this one up as experience and next time play a little bit harder to get. Sex on the first date, if I read your story right you did it without a single date.

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