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anonymous
writes: hi guys I need some help here. I know that most of you are going to judge me and call me names but I'm ready for it. I am 23/24 and I've been married for 2 1/2 years. I have no kids. 2 years ago me and husband moved to another country were I knew nobody...no friends..no family. I felt very lonely especially when my husband used to go to work and come back late, but I was ready to sacrifice that for us to move on. Last year September I found out that my husband has kept a big secret away from me. He has a 4 year old child who lives in this same country but quite far from where we are. He wasn't the one who told me, I got to know from a friend. But I confronted him, he told me everything and that he went to see the child one day to do dna test( as he still believes the child is not his) but the mother refused to let him do the test. He said that he never cheated on me, and that the child was born the same time when we started dating. He's got the child's pictures which he used to refer to him as his cousin's son before I got to know the truth. This issue wear me off, but when I forgave him it made us stronger. He said that he has nothing to do with his mother, but I kept on seeing calls to their house on the telephone bill. when asked, he used to tell me that he wanted to check on him. I never said anything more and I used to force him that he should go and see the child frequently and be part of him life, but he never went again. Last january, I was going through his photos, and I found some of his photos with backgrounds matching the child's photo background and I came to conclusion that he went there and took the photos. In all the photos he was wearing 2 sets of clothes meaning that he has changed twice. I got angry, because this meant that he must have gone to their house and slept there. I confronted him again, and he said that this has happened before I came to this country (as I came one month after him) and even before that day i knew about. I was so angry, and couldn't trust him again...till now. I don't know how can he keeps secrets away from me. Nowadays, I'm always expecting to hear something new.So after than, I told him clearly that things cannot be the same again. I started going out and meeting people instead of staying in the house waiting for him to come back from work. I met other guys and i even had an affair with one of them and that made me feel better, both because i felt i'm regaining my self esteem and even because i found in this guy a true friend. Unfortunately, the guy is married and has a daughter and him too has serious problems with the wife. With him i feel connected like never before. I enjoy the times i have with him, he's very open to me and i know that i mean a lot to him too. sometimes i'll be thinking that i don't love my husband since i'm cheating on him, but i don't believe that. i feel as if i don't feel anything for him, but when it comes to me to tell him to end this marriage, i can't do it....it looks so strange to me. I don't know where i belong anymore, it looks as if i'm living a double life...double feelings.i know most of you are going to call me names because i'm seeing a married man...but whenever i see him to end this....my heart feels as if its connecting to his....please try and give me some advice....as you can see i'm so confusedddddddddddddddd.....Thanks
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affair, cheated on me, cousin, married man, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like some more advice about this situation...about how can i handle my husband and this awful situation I'm in.
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reader, Gibbon88 +, writes (9 May 2006):
Firstly, i wouldnt call you names because its the man who's cheating while his married, so don't put yourself down. I think the best thing to do with the married man is sit down and tell him how you feel but mostly i think you should ask him if he love you so much if he leaves his wife and kid and if he can't or won't his not the man for you, you can still being friends but i dont think it can get any farther.
I dont if this will help but i hope it does and hope the best in your life
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