A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Sorry if this is long. I've liked this particular girl for a long time, over a course of three years that I've been friends with her. When I first met her she was in a abusive relationship, then when they broke up I thought I would give her a while to compose before I made any advances toward her. But when I felt like the time was right, I was too late. She got into another abusive relationship which lasted a little longer then a year, during that time I had revealed my liking for her and then when she and her boyfriend broke up, I asked her out shortly after. She said no, heart broken I continued to be her friend. For the last year she has confused me several times flirting with me, just random sexual comments. This last Thursday she came over and hung out with me and some of my friends watching movies and playing games. Well that night we ended up having sex. It was great, I even heard from people at work that she said it was great. So I let time pass, not too long but just long enough and asked her again, to be my girlfriend, and again she said no. I am so confused. Can anyone give me some advice?
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male
reader, ThaxTruth211 +, writes (22 November 2009):
 Hey I was in a situation like this. Well besides the girl being in an abusive relationship was my best friends girlfriend. But anyway i noticed from afar how beautiful and sexy she was and never let on around my friend or her. Well during their relationship i was arrested and did a year. After being released i called my friend and got no answer. Shortly after i got a text from what i thought was still his girlfriend. Apparently they had broke up but still talked and had sex frequently. Anyway i asked her to chill and we did. That night we had sex. It wasn't so great but not due to either of us. It was due to where it happened etc etc. Anyways down to the point. After that night i asked her to go on a date. She turned me down. We kept in contact. But never talked anymore about becoming a couple until one night when she had apparently went to chill with her x (my x- best friend) and found out he had sex with her best friend. Anyway she opened up to me that night and admitted she doesnt want a relationship because every time she's been in one the guy treats her like shit or becomes abusive. That and with my past she was already intimidated.SO.. with her telling me this i offered to just chill. In which while chilling i told her " Im not going to lie i do have this thing for you and im not going to try to hide it. But out of this thing i also have respect for you that you deserve so im not going to make any advances unwelcomed." By telling her face to face i had these feelings but understood her situation i think she fell a little for me then. Because within the next week she had called me and said she'd felt the same way but her connection was so strong with me that first night having sex she didnt want to ruin a fantasy of what could be by turning it into a relationship she expected to become horrible. I assured her tyhis would not happen. We talked hours upon hours about how and why things had happened in the past. Her being beaten, raped, used. etc. And we came to the conclusion that although every relationship could unfold to be a "bad" one. This was definitely worth taking the chance. Today we've been together for almost three years and have a child together.So in the long run, my advice. Is to get face to face with her and explain how you feel but assure her you'd rather be close and respect. (which im hoping you would) than to closter around a possible relationship. With her having past relationships with abuse. Having someone she can confide on and rely to open up to. She may seem to notice you as different and take a chance.Good luck. - Tha Truth-
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