A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive just been told its over by my best friend/ex lover. Me and this married guy had an affair about 2 years ago. It lasted for a year and then we stopped seeing each other like that. But we remained in touch. Gradually we built up a friendship, a close one, we would text and call nearly everyday, talking about life etc. In a way we were eachothers rock. His wife never knew as we started out by having an affair so it was hard to say how we had become friends. Last week she found a message from me in his phone and although she has accepted we were friends she has told him to never contact me again ors his marraige is over. Obviously he has done that and now i feel like ive lost my friend, I could talk to him about anything, and we spoke an hour each day and ive no idea what to do. He filled most parts of my life and now he is gone. I have texted him to wish him well on osrting everything out. But obviously im gutted. Gutted that I can no longer speak to him, and gutted that he has just been able to go just like that, without giving me a second thought. I think deep down I loved him and maybe had a small hope that one day we could have been more. I feel like my heart has been wrecnhed out and I just want him back, to talk to, to know he is there. I dont want to let go of him, I really dont. I want him back. We were in touch for 3 years and our daily contact was a big part of our lifes. I cant stop crying, and I know, what can I have expected, but that doesnt make it any easier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): You say you ended the affair - well you didn't. That is a load of BS - you may not have been having sex but you were meeting some 'emotional' need for each other, he "filled your life didn't he??" - and thus having a negative effect on the marriage. There is no way this man can remain in contact with you and be a decent husband (yes, I believe he can be this again - if he follows through with what he has done (ditch you 100%) and really commits to rebuilding the trust in his marriage). You said it yourself, you secretly hoped for more some day - you always had ulterior motives - whether they were subconscious or not, and it's time for you to give up and move on. You were never 'best friends' - the relationship you had was not a friendship - it was always an affair...physical, emotional...still deceitful and unhealthy whatever form it takes. That guy had to continue to decieve his wife and keep secrets etc whilever he was in touch with you...did he invite you over for dinner at their house, invite you to events with their circle of friends - I'm guessing no...you were not his friend.
Get some therapy - so hopefully you can learn about yourself and why you entered into and stayed in this mess of a reltionship, and hopefully stop it happening again for you.
Affairs - just say no!! Why don't people get this after all the same old stories of heartache and pain??? I don;t get it!
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