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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my gf and I are both 22, we decided together we wanted to try a group swinging thing with an older couple. we met a cool older couple on line (54 female and 58 male) and met last night. During the thing my gf seemed to really enjoy herself, but once she got home she just went to bed. she got up this morning and said nothing to me when i came home from work she was watching tv and when i walked in the room she got up and went to bed. What should i say to her? it was half her idea and she looked like she was having a blast so why the attitude now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): did you solve your problem? Please update us.
A
male
reader, euclid  +, writes (23 January 2010):
Just give her lots of loving and understanding - swinging is obviously not her thing. Time will heal but right now she needs to know that she's the most important person in the world...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Lots of people fantasise about doing stuff like this with their partner but I think most fantasies are left as just that - a fantasy, as they can cause a lot of problems in a relationship. She may think you enjoyed sex with the other woman more than sex with her etc.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 January 2010):
Rori Raye, 99_bananas and Miamine have given you priceless feedback; reread what they said. After you talk to her it would be great if you could log on this question again and give us an update of what is really going on with her.
At the end of the day, this type of thing is not for everybody. Even the majority of women in the porn industry who sell this fantasy to us often struggle emotionally with this. The old couple have been together for many years and probably were a little more emotionally mature and secure in their relationship to handle this than a young couple like yourselves who don't yet have an established long term relationship. I hope it works out for both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Maybe she enjoyed it during but feels guilty.
I have thought of doing that with my fiancé. Thinking it would be fun...
But every time the thought of some other man putting his equipment in my girl comes up, it makes me upset and brings me back to reality
maybe she agreed because she thought it would make you happy. Never thinking you'd go through with it.
When you both did it came as a shock.
Best advice is give her time, be loving with her and calmly ask her what is bothering her.
It'll take you a few tries but if you stay calm and peristent. Shell tell you..
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 January 2010):
 Sex is not simple, it can involve emotions that may not be present at intercourse, but bring strange thoughts to mind afterwards. Group sex sounds exciting and fun during fantasy, and at the time it may be a wonderfully passionate experience, but it challenges many taboo's and makes you reassess yourself as an individual, makes you reassess your partner and makes you reassess your relationship.
I think she's thinking about what happened, and may be shocked at herself, or shocked at you, or worried about what the future may bring. Maybe she loves you less now, and has loss respect in you because you were willing to share her. Maybe she's lost respect in herself and is wondering if she's some type of sex maniac. Maybe she wondering if she loves you, if you love her. Maybe it's brought up thoughts from her past, things you know nothing about.
Who knows, at the moment, I bet she's just thinking, probably in some type of emotional turmoil, trying to make sense of things. Keep being loving and affectionate to her, give her a little time, and then do what Ihatewomanbeater's says.. tell her you would like to talk about the whole experience, about her feelings about having sex with others, and about your relationship. She may be worried that you have lost respect.. who knows.. give her some time, and then ask her for her honest opinions with now blame, and no judgement.. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): She may feel thoroughly disgusted with herself. She's feeling guilt.
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A
female
reader, 99_bananas  +, writes (22 January 2010):
Umm... how much attention did u pay to the older woman?? I'd suggest discreetly clarifying that SHE'S what u want, not that random lady!! Let her know that ur w/ her because u want her- not because that other lady is taken or anything and that she is a hell of a lot hotter and how hard it was for u to see her w/ that older man. I don't think it's that she's smitten w/ the old guy & his 'experience' cuz then she'd b ignoring u, not actively avoiding u!! This is something she's feeling that hurts her so she has to get up and get away. Maybe she pictures u w/ that lady when she sees u now? Maybe she just wasn't ready for this or maybe u were too eager and insulted her and your sex life by being so eager for something else?
If ur going to approach her directly- i'd suggest showing her YOUR insecurity about whether or not she liked the older guy more so that she can console you (we like doing that) and then be free to express that she was worried that you liked the older lady w/out seeming like the easily-threatened, jealous type.
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A
female
reader, Rori Raye +, writes (22 January 2010):
Oh my. This happens with women in these circumstances. Something happened - there was a moment that pissed her off and upset her, and she kept it to herself. Find out what it is. You're going to have to facilitate the healing on this, or you'll never be as close as you were before. Most men are not good at gauging what a woman is really feeling - especially if the woman is used to stuffing her feelings, which your woman seems to be doing. You could have misread her all along. Or simply misread her response to something that happened. OR - she could be having emotional fallout from the experience - guilt, heavy stuff. Your job is to help her clear it all out - even if it means hearing her scream at you. We women are delicate about nearly everything around sex...it likely triggered some very unhappy experience for her.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 January 2010):
 Possibly the older man did some things for her that are far beyond your experience or knowledge to provide. Such may be the risk of exposing your girl to an experienced man. I'll admit some bias, since I'm obviously in that older and experienced category, but my advice to you is not to underestimate maturity. Maybe you could watch what he does with her in a learning way if it happens again. My guess may be totally wrong, but I think time will soon tell.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (22 January 2010):
 talk to her
say, "I hope I did not put you in an unexpected position, which made you feel uncomfortable. If you do not want to do it again, we won't do it anymore. Is everything ok?"
She is going to tell you yes, you have to ask again and get the answer out of her with tact and strategery.
communication is the thng that keeps a relationship alive. the second you stop, it dies
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