A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last April I met a good man and we developed a good relationship. He was offered work in Gibraltar last July. I didn't pressure him either to go, or not take it, as it was too early on in our relationship to decide whether we were going to stay together long term. He decided to take the job, and although it was hard, we decided to keep things going, which we have done very successfully. We took turns to visit eachother every month, spoke everyday and swapped constant emails/texts. After Xmas we talked more about the future, we decided we wanted to be together. The job there wasn't going all that great, so since Jan the plan has been for him to come back this summer. We were going to move somewhere new, and have a fresh start for the both us. We happily made lots of plans, had got as far as details of work, where we were going to live etc. He was on the verge of handing in his notice there, and had an interview lined up here.Then out of the blue last Fri, he called me and his family to say he had suddenly realised that this isn't what he wants after all. Says now he's gone abroad he wants to experience being away from the UK for longer, realised there is more to the world than the UK, and although he loves me, he isn't sure he's ready 'to settle down'. Myself, his family and friends are all completely stunned by this. I'm obviously devastated. He knows he shouldn't have done this from a distance, so he's coming back here next week (when we were meant to be celebrating our one year anniversary!) to talk face to face. Me, and everyone else here can't make any sense of this sudden drastic u-turn. He certainly has not been 'faking' his relationship and happiness with me all this time. I am told that he's never done anything this irresponsible before. His family and friends say he has been so happy with me, and expected us to be together long term. I know he hasn't met someone else or cheated on me. We haven't communicated much since that phone call, I've been in shock. But I would like to somehow be able to get to the bottom of this, and try to salvage things. Apart from this out of character, drastic shock, he is a decent man who's always treated me properly. I don't want to think that we've worked so hard to develop our relationship in difficult circumstances all for it to have come to nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Sweety..I am so sorry for your pain. I am glad he is coming home to speak with you face to face about all this. Don't let him just walk away without first-making him accountable for giving you some honest answers and respecting you enough to clarify "exactly" why he's doing this. You have a right to know. Insist on it. It's the least that he can do. Women who go into shock like you are experiencing, will tend to deny the honest truth. They look for answers and they rationalize with a whack of irrational excuses. But the one fact that is glaringly obvious...guys do not break up with women they love and can't live without. I am sorry to have to say that. You can' talk your way out of a breakup and why would you? Walk away from this with your head held high and with dignity. You are lovable, you are amazing just the way you are. Out there, is some wonderful man who is going to be 'pleased as punch' that your 'ex'bf went off to find himself. So do some recovery work here, cry some tears..get pissed off-- but don't let this take you down! And when you are ready..get out and find that new, wonderful guy who is waiting for you! Best of luck, dear and take care. Hugs!
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