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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I need advice..i have no one to talk to and i dont know what to do.I have 3 kids.Love them beyond anything.I was with my partner 6 mths when i got pregnant..it wasnt planned and i was taking the pill.But it seemed to all work out fine..number two came soon after..not a huge surprise as i wasnt using contraceptives...Three years later came baby three.I was on pill again,but failed as using antibiotics.None of them were planned..but i was okay ..raise them all young together.My partner absolutly freeked out with last baby.Called me every name ..got very abusive.when i was a few weeks gone i discovered he was calling an ex..for advice..We had huge fights and i kicked him out.It was horrible,i loved him madly and just wanted us to be a family.I know he loves his children and is a wonderful father.After a few weeks he moved back.We started fresh..i had baby 3.Serious complecations and baby and i nearly died.Everything was going so good after that..we were really happy.Compleatly out of blue when baby3 was 1 1/2 i found out he was having an affair with the same ex.I cannot even begin to say how shocked and devestated i was.There was no sign or reason for him to do this.The last 17 mths have been hell..he is still with me..ended it with her..told me its me and the kids he wants.Said he;d marry me.fOR the first time in my life..i can do something for me..i have a job i love and all the kids are going to school.Things look good.Last week we were going to have sex.I have been on pill 3 years..and he produces a condom wanting to use it.W e never use them.HE NEVER uses them..i got annoyed and said how it never bothered him to be careful having his affair..yet all of a sudden its neccesary with me....He said he doesnt want any more kids and was thinking of getting a vacetomy.I got very upset..Told him that i didnt want any right now..but perhaps in 5 or so years i do think i really would.We had a huge fight..no sex.Hes been sleeping in the kids room sence.And ..i just found out i'm pregnant.I can not even picture telling him..i think he ll want to kill me.I took the pill religiously..every day,same time..didnt miss any.I am sick..dont know what to do.i would never ever contemplate abortion.But cant tell him either...thinking of just splitting up with him would be easier.i am so afraid of the future.
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abortion, affair, condom, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Hi there,
He may feel that you got accidentally pregnant on purpose, and that's why he's insisting on a condom. While he should have had a vasectomy previously, you also need to take responsibility for contraception. An IUD is a lot more fool-proof than the pill.
If I were in your situation, I would have an abortion. Children should be wanted. But since you don't believe in abortion, I would recommend adoption.
A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 considered adoption??? if you two really are not comfortable having another baby together, but you dont want to abort it maybe this is an option? and can i ask why the hell your still with him when he is/was abusive????
you deserve much better than this and i think you know that, youve got three kids that by the sound of it are your world and righly so.
and why the hell was he cheating? surely if he cared enough about you [i know this may sound bitchy from an outsider] he wouldnt cheat....
Get rid of him sweetie the sooner the better, make it quick and make it clean, and if still wanting the child afterwards go for it
All the best
x
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