A
male
age
41-50,
*ps_guy
writes:I need some help guys. I have known my girlfriend since 2003. We started dating that summer when we met and went on for 3 years, which is when we broke up. We broke up because I told her I wasn't ready to move in with her (she wanted to) and that "our timing wasn't right." Which it wasn't. So, we broke up for about 9 months, she dated this other guy and I bounced around with a few girls, but really couldn't get over her. In Feb 2007, when I finally did and we hadn't talked in over a month, she called. We started to talk again, about missing each other. We got back together in April of last year and the relationship has changed a bit.The sex is down, the first few years we dated we were all over the place, and it was great, but now she says its just not something that she thinks about. Her sex drive is near a zero and has been for a while. She also is flat. Flat as in no real emotion about anything - doesn't get excited to do things as she used to. She now doesn't like to get her picture taken because she thinks her smile is fake. She feels "cold".We talked about this all this past weekend and its hurting a lot, as it once did when we broke up. She says she loves me, but I asked her, "do you get excited when you leave work and come home to me?" And she says no.I talk to my brother and he says to move back home with my parents and get my old job back. I'm 26 and I'm not ruling it out, but are there things I/we can try to bring life back to her? Is it me/us that is causing her to be lifeless? We JUST moved again (Feb 1st) and now I'm already thinking I may have to move out sooner than later. Also, when I asked her when she started feeling like this she said, "around the time we got back together".We are healthy, no financial problems, have a great dog, we love our new apartment and we get along great. But is thing we need most the thing she is lacking? Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): This happened to me many years ago. What it seems from an outside perspective is that she does love you and cares alot for you but she is no longer "in love with you".
She may not even really know, confused, it doesn't feel the same, empty a bit and wondering if she did the right thing. I do not think it has anything to do with someone else, but she may well be reflecting on what could have been her future, if you guys stayed apart. Equally she loves and cares for you and you have been a huge part of her life as an adult. There is some security in that.
Unless you try to reve up your relationship and change it to something new. It may feel like a backward step to her. Get creative with activities, surprise her with something nice - NOT SEX, but give her something to look forward to.
It is fantastic that you are communicating. She is telling you something isn't that great about life at the moment.
Think of ways to make her sparkle! Let her know that the future doesn;t have to be the same as the past. All the best.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Possibly missing is romance and love.. Without these, the world is flat.
Love flew out the window?
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