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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm have a difficult situation...About 3 months ago a friend that I have known for over 8 years got in touch with me and we started hanging out again, here is the catch...the friend was a mutual friend throughout my past relationship (which was seven years and ended in divorce), I was the person that this guy always came to me for advice. I was always his relationship counselor. He is not on good terms with my ex, but it has nothing to do with me. (But is also a little difficult because his Mother works with my Ex’s girlfriend and was friends with her until my Ex told his girlfriend that she can’t be around because I am with her son. He is juvenile and is still trying to make my life difficult)I had never thought of my friend as anything more than a friend; I was in a committed relationship. But now that I was single I saw just how much we had in common (it's absolutely crazy how much we have in common), we started hanging out once or twice a week (by hanging out I mean with groups of friends), and eventually, it turned into us doing stuff alone too, nothing big, watching a movie, whatever.We would talk on the phone at least once a day, He manages a late shift at an electric company so he would call me every morning when he was done work and I was on my way to work. I felt a vibe, but he never acted on it. This went on for about a month.Then one night, a bunch of us went out to the bar and he ended up coming home with me, and alcohol induced talking started and led to sex from there. I told him that I thought it was just me, and he said no that he thought it to, that he realized it one night a couple of weeks before that. So since then things have been great but I need advice. I really like him, we have so much in common and I am just happy when I am with him. He always calls me when he says he will, he doesn't let me pay for things, he bought me a really expensive Christmas present that he made me open in front of his family, he stays over sometimes and we talk every day and see each other almost every day even if its only for an hour...with as great as it sounds, I don't know if he is really into me. He is very affectionate when we are alone and is starting to open up when we are around people, his brother, mom, friends or in public.Over Christmas asked me to go with him to see some friends that were home for the holidays, I went with him, and he introduced me as "his friend". I mean, from what I am told by other people it’s pretty apparent that we are together when people see us, but we have never really discussed what we are. The other day we were talking about a girl that he used to see and was joking and said he was going to ask her to lunch or something and have me there with him and say to her, have you met my girlfriend…That is the first that I have ever heard him refer to me as his girlfriend, which made me pretty happy.I care a lot about him and find myself thinking about him a lot. It's absolutely crazy how much we have in common; I didn't think it was possible. He just makes me so happy and I love being with him...seeing or talking to him is the highlight of my day. We went out this weekend and I got drunk and almost told him I love him...(not trashed, I knew what I was doing). He hasn’t told me he loves me and I won’t say it…I am too afraid, I don’t want to put myself out there until I know how he feels.We have so much fun together and he seems to be happy too. He is currently having some family issues with his parents getting divorced and I am the one that he talk to about it…it has prompted him to make a move that he has talked about for a while. He is talking about moving from PA to NC and he asked me how much vacation time I have because he wants me to go with him to the town he wants to move to, to check it out and go to the beach and while we are down there “WE” can put in job applications. Does that mean he wants me to move with him?I think I am at the point where I would probably go with him if he feels the same as I do...I just have this gut feeling telling me this is right. I feel such a strong connection with him on so many different levels.I just want to know based on these signs if you think that love is a possible factor here, and if it is how do I get him to talk about it? I don’t want to push myself on him because he is dealing with enough because of his family and I want him to know I am there to support him not cause him anymore emotional stress, but I feel like I need to know where he sees this going. I don’t want to get married or anything…I just want to know how he feels.What should I do?
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (19 January 2006):
 From everything you said here it sounds like he is pretty in to you. If you want to know for sure it is time for you and your man to have a really serious talk. A good way to start these things is to reassure them that you are not trying to pressure them into anything you just want to know where you as a couple stand. I know it will be hard but before you go moving to NC you need to know if what you are doing will last, and not leave you stranded in a new state. Good luck.
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