A
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age
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*arpetdon
writes:My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Ever since we have had kids she gives them 100% the attention,(great Mom). Sex was good, once a week the ritual Sunday morning.lol. Then it just stopped, we seperated for 6 months about 10 years ago. We went to counseling and stopped, marriage was ok. We get along great outside the bedroom. Sex is important to me. To her she can go years without it. Now if we kiss she wants a peck on the lips and that is it. Thats about as close to sex as I get. Yes, No french kissing, no sex. I am so frustrated. I do not get it. I do not know what to do. I have tried and she has never had a orgasim with me. I dont think it is me, I have given plenty of women orgasims. I go slow with my wife, I try to give her oral, you name it I have probaly tried it.
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reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 March 2012):
OP, I relate to your situation as I am sure many men do. You are stuck between the provial rock and a hard place. Your wife has been a loving spouse and mother for many years and slowly the desire or interest has waned. It is disturbing that you say your wife has maybe never had an orgasm?? How did it go so long in this situation? If this is the case then it is hard to see how sex was great, sounds like she was accomodating you out of love or duty. It is more that possible that your wife has little sex drive and this may well deminiss as time passes, if you can talk intimately with your wife then maybe you can find if there is some long ago experience that has repressed her feelings. Did she have other partners it worked for? Maybe a baring of souls will help to rekindle the lost passion. But you do risk her just deciding she doesn't care.As Blond30 says, sex isn't everything (to a woman!!) however it certainly is something to most men and you desire to find satisfaction one way or another would be understood by most (men).
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): Honestly, if sex was ritual, that is a warning sign right there.
Sex doesn't always have to be rip-off-your-clothes-completely-spontaneous, but if it's dissolved into a scheduled practice...something is wrong.
Without knowing more, I am guessing she just never was that sexually attracted to you in the first place, or that attraction died somewhere along the way. She probably thinks of your roles together as caretakers and not lovers.
You already sound defensive in your post. "It's not me".... Saying that is the same as saying "It is her", which is blaming her. I wonder if your relationship has deeper cracks in it where which you two argue and she feels blamed, or she feels you don't connect too much. You probably need some very deep and honest conversations without accusations, and both of you need the strength to admit that there is a problem of attraction between you two.
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