A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I are in a long distance relationship; and I am planning to move in by the middle of May. The problem is that we've been fighting for a lot of time now. We fight, we reconcile, then we fight again. Our fight is about anything, we seem not to agree on a lot of things. I can't even remember how this last fight started, honestly. But, I do get enfuriated a lot 'cause he seems not to care or listen to my complains. I listen to his complains, but he does not listen to mine. We've been together for 4 years; but we've seem to be fighting more and more everyday. I am trying to solve our problems but now he says he needs time; and wants a month of solitude. It is not fair 'cause I asked him for a month of solitude myself, and he would not give it to me. It seems like if we are constanlly competing. For example, when I hanged the phone mad, he calls me back only to make me feel bad and then he hangs the phone on me. It sounds insane and childish, but it is the truth.I don't know what to do. I have almost everything ready to move to the other state, and now this. We are both in our early thirties by the way..
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): this is a sign that it isn't working out and he's getting cold feet about you moving in. guys seem to pick fights or to be absent in a relationship if they lose interest or don't want a commitment. so the fact that the arguing increased after you decided to move in together means that he doesn't probably doesn't want this arrangement for whatever reason.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): You don't need this kind of drama in your thirties!He is playing games and has double standards. Just let him go. Now if you are not sure about letting him go, set some boundaries for disagreements, such as no typing in caps, and if one person breaks a boundary, the other person can remind them of the boundary that they agreed to. If he refuses to try to work it out, yeah, just let him go. Long distance relationships are tough. I am married and have been for nine months and my husband and I live about an hour away from each other. We would argue online and on the phone. I made a boundary that we couldn't argue unless it was face to face. I know that the tension is still there sometimes, but it takes away most of the anxiety and the physical problems people get from being in constant conflict.
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