A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We met through mutual friends and one day we were at dinner in dining hall and him and i were bred so we decided to go get high together and hang out in his car. So he was really into me for 4 weeks (1 week before spring break, 2 weeks of break over which we talked every day but didn't see each other, and the week after) and he did a lot of chasing (i didn't let him kiss me the first night we were together alone, when he started liking me) and i was sort of not straightforward with my affection because i was afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt. He's a genuinely nice guy but has hooked up with a lot of girls (hasn't hooked up with anyone for his senior year though, since october he's been celibate). like we flirted over texting and talked for hours a lot and made plans to go places and do things when we got back. he fell quick and hard, and i sort of did too, but was less expressive about it, but i really liked him and wanted to do a lot with him when i got back over break. he made me really, really happy, and we both really liked each other. he did a lot to make me happy and win my attention. he had a "kinky dream" about me as well and i said i wasn't easy and he said he knew that. over break he sort of treated me like a girlfriend (called me babe and he would call when i told him to, told me about problems of his and when he got bad news about something i was the first person he called to cheer him up, said he would protect me from situations i was talking about in our conversations, etc).when we got back from break it was hard to get our schedules to work together but when i did want to hang out with him, i would say, "do you have drugs for tomorrow?" or whatever because it was an excuse to hang out with him sort of... i felt vulnerable asking him outright if he wanted to hang out for no specific reason, just to be with him. one time he asked me if i wanted to hang and i said i can't do drugs at that time because i had work to do and he said he knows, but wanna hang anyway? i said yeah and he would call at 12:30. and i asked what math level he was in and he said 400 and i said, ok you're helping me with my work. and he said yeah i'll help you tomorrow. (he's not even that good of math or fond of it but agreed to this just to be with me) there was an emergency at this time so i called at 10 and said i had to go to the police station til 1 and he said call when you're finished. i went to lunch at dining hall when i was finished, got out at 1:30, passed him on the path with a group of mutual friends but i pretended to not see because i didn't look my best and kept walking. called him at 2 ad he didn't answer. we didn't hang that day. i never got to explain that the police station thing had nothing to do with me being in trouble but me being a witness to something unrelated to him. he probably thinks i'm in trouble with the law, etc.the next day i saw him at lunch and asked him to feel my heartbeat because i thought i took more of a prescribed drug than i was supposed to by accident but he thought i was experimenting and getting messed up on purpose. it turns out i just took it on an empty stomach and so it affected me more. he was bothered by this and worried about me but sort of mad and annoyed with me too for being stupid.we planned on getting high on saturday and it would be "his last time or his kinda last time" for senior spring term because he didn't want to risk it all before graduation. i don't know who was supposed to call who when we were finished with our classes at 12 but but i didn't call him until 3 when i asked if he had stuff to get high and he said he was busy at the moment and he wasn't going to be doing that stuff senior spring because it was stupid. i was annoyed because he changed his mind and i was like, "whyyy? cmon thats so lame" because i was so annoyed and embarrassed that he didnt call and changed his plans and was being hypocritical. after a while he was like "alright well i gotta go.. right now i'm going to joe's dorm to get something but.." and i dont remember if he said "we should" or something along the lines of the beginning of an invite but i cut him off and i said something along the lines of "ok, well whatever, bye" or "well then nevermind.. bye" and he said "what?" or something which prompted me to repeat myself and then he said something like "ok" and he seemed put off and a tad shocked or annoyed. and then i hung up.i texted him that night and he didn't respond. sunday i asked why he was ignoring me and he said he was annoyed at me for doing dumb things like taking too much of a drug and he said he worried about that stuff. we aggreed to meet on monday to talk in person. "im sorry about getting annoyed at you" and the coversation wasn't very revealing as to why he was really mad at me.. and he didn't mention the saturday phone call. he seemed like he really was ok with me and not mad. but he seemed much less smitten with me than before. we sat and talked and he was funny and i didn't get a chance to apologize.i saw him the next day (tues) and told him that i do need to talk to him and that there has been a lot of misinformation. he said "probably, i'll be around here at 6", referring to the dining hall, but i didn't go because something else came up. i don't know if he showed up or not. i called at 6:50 and he didn't pick up. i haven't called or texted him since in an effort to not appear needy.at noon my mutual friend saw him on the path and stopped to tell him that there has been some misinformation and that he should talk to me. he said he's not really concerned with the misunderstanding as much as he is " indifferent" about it all (his word -- indifferent"). he promised her he would, but she said he has broken her promises before. we talked briefly on the path while walking somewhere together a few days later but he wasn't as into me as he was before and when we got to our mutual destination i parted from him because he was with his guy friends.a week before this mutual friend #1 talked to him on the phone about us and she said that he mentioned that he wouldn't mind having something emotional his senior spring.he also told another mutual friend #2 that he's trying to not do drugs as much but when he's with me he finds it hard to resist. so maybe he's avoiding the influence altogether. but i smoked pot with him for the first time and we did it twice altogether.. its just that i could use getting high as an excuse to hang out with himhe told a mutual friend #3 of mine that he was really attracted to me but that he thinks that if we were to have a relationship with me it would be really emotional for both of us and that he doesn't want to do that senior spring? i don't know if he said just that, but when she tried to remember this is what she recollected.he avoids my calls and when i saw him on the path one day and told him to go to dinner that night because i had to talk to him he said he would be there. he wasn't.so, how do i let him know that i do like him, that it won't be all chasing and that i want him, and that i'm 10x more stable than he thinks i am (i think i remind him of his ex, who called him when trying to kill herself -- i'm not like that!!) i enjoy being with him, and he enjoyed being with me, and even if we know it's going to end when he graduates, we could have a lot of fun together for the next 1.5 months... i miss him and he's all i can think about.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Ok. Ok. This is long and complicated, but to be honest I think it is pretty easy to answer too! You might not like what I have to say but I am going to be brutally honest.
Number one - he thinks you are a bad influence and he doesn't want to be 'dragged down' by your behaviour. Now I know you have said that you only did drugs in order to hang out with him....but WTF? Why? Why not just be yourself and if he doesn't like the prerson you sre then knickers to him.
Number two - the pair of you have been 'game playing' you 'pretended not to see him', he doesn't call when he says he will etc. It is not really conducive to an adult relationship. Be honest and just tell him how you feel. Take a deep breath and tell him. He can react in one of two ways...he will either reciprocate or he will reject you. Either way you will know exactly where you stand.
Look, I don't think this is going anywhere to be honest. I would get out with your dignity and look for a bloke who doebn't see getting high as a great pasttime and doesn't play games.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
Ok, you have really not been open or honest with this guy. So if you want him you need to start showing him some of that maturity you claim to have.
Why can't you ask him if he wants to hang out with you? You are constantly playing games with him and a lot of people just can't be arsed getting messed about like that.
You seem to want him so far for drugs, for maths help, and to meet up and talk but you keep standing him up. It's no wonder that he sees you as a bad influence. You even told him he was lame for wanting to do well in school and not do drugs.
If you want to be his girl, you need to prove to him that you have changed and are serious about him. If he doesn't like drugs then make it known that you have quit them. Try really hard in the classes you have together so he can see you are serious about doing well. Be straight with him if you talk to him again. Don't tell him lies about why you want to hang out, and don't play games to try and look cool.
What do you want to do with your life? Start looking into careers and working towards it and that will show him you aren't just about hanging out and messing around with your friends.
Show him how cool you are and he'll realise he might have misjudged you.
Good Luck!! xx
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