A
female
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anonymous
writes:My husband is as boring as dishwater!He never gives me gifts, not even on my birthday or xmas.All he does is sleep over weekends.He never takes me out anywhere.I have decided this is enough!He is younger than me, but behaves like an old man.Our relationship is suffering and I think I deserve more than what I'm getting.We have battled together for many years,I have stuck by him through it all, now we are financially stable and dont have hardships like before, so I am not eager to leave him, after all the suffering I have endured to get to where we are today.Any helpful advise? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): He is simply boring? I for one, am not going to say-you should leave. You already stated that you're unhappy but you don't want to leave him. So what's left to do? You can take the necessary steps make good, solid changes. Dear, we all suffer from unhappiness and discontentment in our lives and marriage is not easy. If you think there is anyone, who can sustain a happy, fulfilled way of life, all the time-you are dead wrong. It's tough and can make one bitter when the focus is on what only 'we' are missing out on. But what make a person stand out, is the strength and perseverence to get beyond that. Lots of marriages go belly up, because couples don't 'work on staying' together, they don't talk about issues. Why don't you try marriage counselling with the focus on talking skills. It sounds like the communication in your marriage need a lot of work. The commitment of marriage opens people up at their very core and the best come out but sometimes the very worst, comes out. Only you can change the way you think or feel. Talking, communicating in a mature, calm, loving way (no yelling!) will likely rub off on him. You'd be amazed how that concept works. Someone has to start this ball rolling-can it be you? Make a point, that today you will move forward now with a newfound, positive, mature outlook on life, dear. And when you do this, hopefully your marriage will strengthen. But give it time-it sounds like you and hubby have gotten into a negative pattern of married life here. There is no instant miracle. You can turn your things around. It'll take time, patience and huge efforts. Take your negative thought and determination and turn it into a positive. Take that determination and put it towards committment to improving both your marriage to become more compassionate about each other's shortcomings. It will take much talking through tears and making a promise to recommit to each other. I feel the only way..is marriage counseling. If he doesn't go--try going yourself to learn new ways of making this work. Check into it. I wish you both the best of luck...take care and keep us updated.
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