A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated this girl for around 4 months, we ended in February... We broke up mutually, just agreed that things weren't 'right' etc. I felt fine with things for a while, she got back with an ex, and I was absolutely fine with it no problem. We said we'd stay in touch as friends, this didn't really happen, apart from the very occasional text etc. However, I bumped into her in April and she was really chatty, - i got a text from her that night saying she was missing me and always found me easy to talk to, it turned out the next day that she'd split up with her old ex. So who knows whether this was just a text as a friend or possibly something more. Would this have meant anything? Cut a long story short, she then got back with an ex she dated when she was 16, that only lasted a couple of months.Strangely I ended up working in her hometown up north for a few months (we're at college together), eventually I let her know I was there, and we'd text each other about where to go etc, although never met in person. The texts would end up going on all night, although we haven't really been in contact so much since I returned home. I think it was then i realised i still really liked her - should I tell her? She's a gorgeous girl who can get any guy she wants - would it mess up any sort of friendship we have??She's also quite a difficult person to get on with, often coming across as being very cold and uncaring (she's had one or two knocks in her life) - i get on with her fine, and when we were together she always used to say that she felt more comfortable with me then anyone before - although this wouldn't always necessarily be in a good way, as once or twice she did say it seemed more like chilling with a friend which hurt... I really don't know what to do - I'm not a bad looking guy, I attract girls, I've played around with 3 different girls this summer (they all no the score no-one's getting hurt by the way), but it's always this girl i go back to thinking about? Also, people always used to say we looked like a cool couple, but shouldn't really matter, but still felt good.What would people here do? As I said, if i tell her how I feel, I don't know if I could cope with the embarassment of her turning me down, and surely we couldn't have a normal friendship after that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Correction. The opening statement should have read:
"If you feel you CAN'T cope with the embarrassment of being rejected by her, then don't ask her."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): If you feel you can cope with the embarrassment of being rejected by her, then don't ask her. And if you do decide to ask her and you are still rejected, why can't you still be friends afterwards? Rejection doesn't mean you have 'resent/dislike' each other. It just means you have to accept her answer and move on to other opportunities...other females to date. This is life and you have to take risks to attain some happiness and go for what you want. It sounds like you need to do this, or you will always be wondering 'what if'. I suggest you ask her and see what she says. Let'slook at this word 'rejection'. If you fear 'rejection' wou will always be alone. Rejection is 'the life' of a guy. You just have to learn not to take it personally. Not everyone is going to want you...you are not going to want everyone. It happens to all of us. Get your dependence on others for happiness in check...it can and will undermine your feelings of confidence with others. If she says no, then just say, "okay, then I hope we can still be friends because I do value and respect you". It's very likely she'll say ....yes. Then make the decision to acceptand respect her answer and move on in life.
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