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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm in two minds whether or not to give my relationship with my ex, and father of my kids another try. Part of me thinks it would be great for us as a family while the other part thinks it might ruin what we have now. I was 18 when I fell pregnant with our eldest, and 21 when I had our youngest. We had been together four year when we had our eldest child and he wasn't planned but we knew we wanted him as soon as I took the test and it came back positive. We found it hard as young parents, he was still at college and we lived with my parents at first. When we got our own place, we started drifting apart, and when I fell pregnant with our second child, I knew that we weren't as together as we always had been. He asked me if I seriously wanted another child and told me that we should consider abortion. I don't agree with abortion under those circumstances and he knew this and it caused a lot of upset and we never got over that. We split before our youngest was born, but my ex was at the birth and stayed with us for the first few months. We never really didn't get on as such, it was just like we had drifted apart and couldn't see the other's point of view I guess.It's been two years, and even though he has had another girlfriend for a few months they broke up because we spent so much time together for the kids sake. He has spent the past year asking me if I would consider trying again. I laughed it off at first but he kept asking and asking, and now I'm confused as what is for the best. We work together raising our kids, we get on, we do things together, like he took me to a gig about 120 miles from our hometown earlier this year. I'm not sure if it's purely friendship or if I genuinely want more. It's insanely stupid but we have slept together a few times in the past six months, although he asked me to try again before that. I'm confused as to what is best for the kids, for us, for us all as a family....I do love him, we were together eight years and you don't just fall out of love with someone after that long, I just don't want to ruin our family life. My kids come first and because we spent so much time together already I don't know if it would effect them if we got back together properly. Help?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2014): if I learnt anything from life then I learnt the hard way you only have one life my ex has only 1 year left to live and id go back and try again but hes given up , if u both have feelings for each other then id say try again but start at the beginning start by having date nights as you would if he was a stranger don't let the kids know until you both feel its right after a few month or so you don't want to give false hope to ur kids let them first see u as friends then if it didn't work out at least you can tell urselves u tried and ur kids didn't get 'hurt' so to speak good luck and I hope it works out for u all
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): OP this is a decision only you can make.
I wouldn't, but I don't get back with ex's and I also don't fuck my ex's either and keep them hanging on like you have been doing. You know he wants you and then you start sleeping with him? Very bad idea, OP.
The only thing I can say, OP, is you have to choose either way and you have to do it soon or this will become a huge mess.
If you do decide to give it another shot then it has to be completely separate from the kids. You have to treat him like a new boyfriend and not get cosy in front of the kids or do something crazy like move in together too soon.
You basically have to be as careful as if he was a stranger.
The thing is though, OP, you broke up for a reason and that reason hasn't been resolved.
When it really mattered, when it counted you and he couldn't see eye to eye and it meant the end of what you had. That's not a good sign going forward if you ask me.
I wouldn't and I'd stop any kind of sexual activity. I'd completely nip it in the bud and I'd tell him it's never going to happen and that I'm never going to sleep with him again either. Everything except the sex is perfect now, but how much of that is down to him to trying to win you back and getting sex off you? It's very possible this could go sour if you refuse him and stop sleeping with him, and if you think that's possible then it's even more important you shut down his interest now.
But you have to decide this for yourself, it's your life and if you keep anything you and he decide to do completely separate from your kids then giving it a shot won't affect them too much.
What do your girl friends think about you and he getting back together? I mean the reasonable ones, not the hopeless romantics who believe in destiny and all that shit. What about your mother what does she think? most importantly which is least messy, least emotionally risky option because that's what I'd go for and that would mean completely ending all possibility.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): In my opinion, you are both maturing and have grown-up together.
You started out as two very young adults surprised with a first child, and having a second amidst turmoil in your already strained relationship.
I think you grew apart; because neither of you were ready for parenthood, and so much responsibility at such a young age. I think time has benefited the both of you. You both have experience. You see things in a different perspective; and you are properly focused on the children.
I wouldn't go rushing into anything. When it comes to relationships, never commit with "doubt." You must remove all doubt. You must have a firm foundation to build your relationship on. Your children are fortunate to be too young to see what was going on between you, as far as the earlier instability and estrangement. He was not ready to commit to you. You weren't ready to be a mother; even if you were happy that you were pregnant at 18.
I think you have plenty of time to get your financial situation in order, and it is even more important that you define what type of feelings you have for him.
Friendship is good, but if you're raising your family while living together; there can't be the threat of you suddenly deciding you don't really want to be more than that.
If you prefer being a single-mom; then that is what you should be. You seem insecure about his sincerity; and unsure if your feelings have not changed for him altogether.
You love, but are not in-love with the father of your children. That is what I get from your post.
Don't confuse the children. You can't have him in and out of their lives according to your mood at the time.
People co-parent just fine living apart. The children are the cohesion between you; but they are not the reason you should live with each other. You are already trying, as far as coming together. If you mean restarting a relationship?
Follow your gut, and weigh the pros and cons carefully.
You should live together as a family; because you are committed to each other as couple in-love. With no threat to that love when there is a major disagreement. You have to be mature enough to compromise and workout your differences. You will not always agree.
If he wants you back so badly, why doesn't he ask you to marry him? Man-up and be a father and a husband? Not just have sex with you; and bail out the moment you get pregnant.
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