A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:help me out guys... 4 weeks ago I started seeing this guy from our group of friends, he had liked me for over a year, but we had never got together as i had been in relationships. Anyhow we started flirting together a bit, nothing happened and then he was rushed to hospital and was on life support for 3 weeks. He came home and i realised that i really fancied him and we got together at my friends wedding. Now he is still in recovery and obviously not working.. and he is so very keen on me. things have moved pretty quickly in the last four weeks, i have had family barbeques with his family... they love me and say that they are so happy i am with him. Weve been out for meals, and cooked for each other. and have great sex, strokes and cuddles but i'm not feeling the intellectual connection. We don't seem to have much to talk about when we are alone, and i'm not excited or desperate to see him. We have the same hobbies, but obviously at the moment he can't do them. We speak each day and i really care about him, but conversations are hard and sometimes a struggle. I'm so pressured as he wants this to work, i'm his only focus right now. he even said he would leave his job for me... as he works away... I'm pressured as his parents love me so much.. his mum said i'm so pleased you are together. its like im his lifeline. I can't deal with it. I'm not sure if i can ever fall head over heels for him. Don't want to hurt him but don't want to string him along either, as i think he has put me on a pedestal and can see babies and everything with me... Have said that i want to take things slowly, but am now even anxious about meeting him at the weekend. I don't want to loose my friends, and i don't want him to get ill and really down as he is sick. i think i should end it, but can't face the thought of letting him down at this time....what should i do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): right i have decided i have to end it, i don't want to hurt him anymore, but i now know he isn't right for me, however i know he is going to be gutted as the other day he said he didn't want to loose me. and as he is in recovery it makes things worse. How on earth can i tell him?? I know that i am also not in the right place for a relationship, but things have moved so quickly and i'm sure i am all he has to focus on. I am scared he will become depressed, but it wouldn't be right for me to continue if i know its wrong?? Maybe i shouldn't have got with him in the first place, but we are both adults hey and you don't know how things might work out??
any advice please guys??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): er yeah the last guy did, but only cos his mum was over here on holiday from new zealand. but he did push me into cooking for them on week 2 of our relationship... warning signs should have been ringing...
i'm scared that if i end it with the new guy i may miss out on a great future... i just wish we had that intellectual connection.. we both enjoy cooking, have the same friends, love the beach, and music.. i just wish we could have a really indepth conversation...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): i'm the original poster. i neglected to say that i am baseing my relationship expectations on having been with a narcissist for 9 months, He made me feel like an absolute princess and we had the most amazing bond.. i have to rememeber that he was playing me, and that it was all abit fake.. trouble is i miss that passion, and forget the bad stuff... maybe thats why i'm finding it hard to be with the good guy??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Sounds like you feel under quite a bit of pressure. I was able to notice that much of your question was concerned with what others wanted from you, not what you wanted from yourself. What do YOU want? Quite honestly, I could quote my past relationships which started off on similar notes and did not end happily but I think you are well aware that your current situation is not headed for peace and harmony for all. I also know that you don't want to hurt anyone, in fact, it almost sounds like you enjoy playing the part of the rescuer. It's never easy when it's time to say goodbye, particularly when guilty feelings are in the way. This is your life however, and you should not waste a minute in a relationship that is supported more by your circle of friends than by your self. Don't look at it as such a loss for him but as a gain instead. He is probably a better person now that you have touched his life.
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A
female
reader, love reigns!  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I've been there, in the no connection. In the long run you will need intellectual stimulation. You are lucky however that all the other aspects are good. Make sure that you're not onlky with him out of sympathy as this could end in complications. If you aren't, then give it a chance. You said yourself there is pressure. This could be the reason for the communication hazard. It's not everyday you find someone worth the time. Give it a bit more time if you are truly happy with him.
Take care!
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 it seems like you pretty much have your mind made up and just need someone to tell you that it is okay for you to break up with him.
so here goes. it is okay for you to break up with someone, no matter the circumstances, if you aren't feeling it!
if he asks why when you do break up, tell him you feel things were moving too fast. because hell, woman, a month and he already sees marriage and babies? that is intimidating!
if you want to keep trying with him, still tell him you think things are moving too fast! but try and find mutual interests. there must be some. or create some together.
good luck!
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