A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have an unusual problem which I can relate to the misunderstanding which ended the lives of Romeo and Juliet. I was married to my wife several years; we split up for a while and were out of touch much of the time. Her family had contributed to my not being able to communicate with her, whom she was staying with when we were separated. I spoke to her mother, and also her sister…and they both expressed to me that my wife didn’t want to talk to me didn’t love me and thought it best that we divorce. The talks I had with them did break my heart because I did make an effort to try to stay in touch with her and try to repair the relationship. I had decided ultimately to “get over” her and stop trying to talk. I did not recognize or call her on her birthday or anniversary. I think my wife got the message after that….she filed for divorce and soon I had divorce documents served at my home to sign. After hiring and consulting a lawyer I signed the papers. It was an uncomplicated settlement. In a few months the court date came. My lawyer told me that with the papers already signed I didn’t have to show up in court, and this being so painful for me, I decided not to. My wife did show up in court…but as I had come to learn recently, she did not want me to divorce her, but wanted me to show up in court just so she can turn it around and ask me to rip up the papers and try to get together again. What she I compare to Juliet who took the poison to make her appear dead temporarily. What I did was like Romeo because I took the bait and “killed myself” or the relationship by signing the papers. We got together recently and had this discussion and we both learned of this terrible communication breakdown which lead to a stupid decision to divorce. She took me to the edge and dared me to jump ...and being goaded by her family I took the dare and now we are divorced….but we both feel terrible about the decision and want to repair things. Is it possible that our divorce was a big mistake? We still have strong feelings for each other. The reasons we separated were minor mostly having to do with financial strains.What kills me… and her... is that once the machine was started and she filed for divorce we never communicated. I didn’t call her she never called me. The court date came and went and she was very disappointed that I did not show up in court. She thought it was cold and wrong of me not to show….when it was exactly the opposite. I did not show up because I did not want to endure the pain of it, especially being showcased in a public setting. We both did wrong, and it was because of miscommunication. Is there any way we can make this up? Is it possible we can repair things between us and eventually re-marry. I was ready to move on in my life until she and I had this very revealing conversation, and I saw the terrible mistake we made. I had already been dating other women too. How do I handle this?
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 If it's good enough for Elizabeth Taylor, it's good enough for you!
http://archives.record-eagle.com/2004/jan/25spouse.htm
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Hi Romeo
If you both want it and love each other do it all again. Go to gretna! or the Gibralta Rock ! with Juliet. It is never too late! only when were dead and as you say, you were only doing the script. Congratulations! love is still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.s As oldsersister states (Communication) don't forget to invite her.....
Best of Luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I had an uncle who was married young, they had a child, they got divorced for reasons that I do not know. He remarried, had two children and was with wife number two for something like 25 years. That marriage ended in divorce, due to her mental health issues. He met up again with wife number one, realized that he'd made a mistake in parting from her, they got remarried and were very happy together for the rest of his life.
So I personally knew someone who has managed to make a remarriage to the original spouse work. What I don't know is if they needed any counselling to help them; they were apart for so many years, it may have been like a whole new relationship? I don't know.
What oldersister has pointed out to you is that you need major work on your communication skills with each other. I also think that you both have demonstrated an extraordinary degree of stubbornness. I mean, really really stubborn. So I agree that you need to work on the communication skill set, but also consider how you two can become just a bit more flexible and understanding. It would have saved you a lot of agony had you both gone into couples counseling back then. So my thinking is that you still have a chance, but it's probably a very good idea to go to a couples counselor to work through all these issues, plus the residual anger that will be percolating in both your systems.
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't try again; just be sure to go back into it carefully, slowly, wisely with ALL the support you can gather up for yourselves.
Good luck!
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