A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need desperate help.My ex broke up with me early last year said he was bi,and that he was confused and couldn't be in a relationship if he doesn't know what he wants or who he is.He hasn't been with anyone else, and that I know for a fact. We had arranged to meet up for dinner today as the last time I saw him was a couple of months back, he is flooded with work, and always traveling between London and Scotland.He told me that he hasn't had any sex since we broke up last year and that he desperately needs it, and that he has serious needs. He is confused and I asked him what happens afterwards, and he said that he can't make any promises and he can't say the things that I want to hear, and that he really wants me to do him bad, and good.I'd like to, problem is that I also feel confused about my feelings for him, I still feel strongly for him mixed with hate. Whenever we're together our sexual tension is very strong, but I've never let it lead to actual sex.He wants to meet in a hotel tonight. I'm scared and nervous, when we broke up, I was distraught because he promised me he loved me, and wanted to be with me with then one day to the next changed and said that he wants a family and kids, and now comes back and he wants me to f**k him?I feel as though he just wants to have sex because he knows me, we've had great times in that regard, and perhaps now in his head he just wants to get screwed.In a way I want to because I too haven't been with anyone and also confused as to what i want, but what if i come out of this feeling used and hurt and wanting him back when he just wanted a fuck, and I just happen to be the guy that he has been with. or do you think being with me might make him realise what we had, and want me back?Whats your views please, I'm really lost.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Hello, thank you to everyone that replied to my post.
He had some family emergency and asked for it to be postponed. I felt such a huge relief, but didn't reply.
I instead went out with another mate of mine for drinks, and we had a good chat about life in general, and relationships, and although this mate doesn't know about anything, they helped without even knowing it and when I arrived home, I looked in the mirror and infact felt releaved that i didn't do anything, I looked real hard and I told myself you're worth muchmore, and I felt good, although what worries me at times is that the temptation is high.
Thank you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): You are a male and so is he? He tells you he is bi and is con fused and hasn't had any sex in a long time and wants to meet up with you in a hotel room so that you can do him good because he needs it bad.
Those were your words, what in the above sentence do you not understand? You know the answer to this. He wants to use you. You want more, and decidedly you deserve someone who is not bi, who knows what they want, and who wants you or at the very least thinks that they want you, this guy does not hold out any hope for a relationship. Please move on, no contact and definately don't meet him tonight, you will be sorry after it is all over.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (13 April 2007):
 You have to move on and occupy your mind with other things!
You are vulnerable because you still care about him. That takes a long time to get over, give yourself that room to move on. No contact with him, the more contact you have the harder this will be. Sex is the last thing you should think about doing. No matter how horny you may feel, or how much you want him back, he doesnt feel the same, but is infact playing on your weakness. If somebody wants you, loves you and wants to be with you, they dont meet you in a hotel for sex to do this. A starting point would have been to chat and talk and see how things go.. this has too much of a sex focus on it for him and your feeling that he wants you... he doesnt, he wants the sex... sex does not equate to love or wanting someone.... its lust babe. Sorry hun i know its hard and it hurts, but these are the facts.
Ive had my fair share of heartache and no its not easy, but neither is feeling sorry for yourself. All i can tell you is that you have to get out there, get noticed, make a life for yourself that doesnt involve him in the slightest and move on! Do not look back always look forward, time is a great healer, but i guess you dont want to hear that, you have to give yourself time to renew what you want, find out the real you... Dont let him control your life for a hear say... he is just after a F**K, dont let him make you think otherwise... you have to be strong and keep your head up high and move on, there is no other way.. you have to do this, no one else can... i promise you will get there. It doesnt feel like it now but it will get better... get out and show the world what your made of!
Take care xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): Hi CD, thanks please make me snap out of this, I want to do it, and it hurts that he just thinks of me as sex when I thought that he genuinely loved me.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (13 April 2007):
 Absolutely don't do it chick. He's picking on your vulnerable side whereby he knows you still have feelings for him and will have sex with him for that reason alone but for him it's all about the sex. It won't help him sort out his confused mind, it'll just help him to think without being distracted by how horny he is. Tell him to get stuffed and break contact for a while until you can sort your head out. He wants you only for sex and I think deep down you know that.
CD
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