A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!So my boyfriend of 6 years ended our relationship back in november, just as we were about to move in together. We left it a few weeks then started meeting up again.But the past week he just ignored me, so I finished it. I don't deserve that.I feel ok about it. A tiny bit sad but ok. The only thing that's bothering me is that for 6 years, to me, he was my future husband and future father to my children. We did talk about it alot over the years. The thought that he's going to have marriage and kids with someone else eventually, is quite upsetting to me. It's all i've known for 6 years, and I guess it's hard to come out of that mindset.How can I stop thinking of him that way? Do you think it's just part of the healing process? It's the worst part for me about this. I know eventually I'll be ok, and eventually I'll stop thinking of him that way...but any tips or advice?Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 February 2016):
 You will heal in time, but you need to allow yourself to do that. Having any contact with your ex is going to slow down or stop you from healing. You know now that the relationship is over, it is not fair on yourself to keep seeing him without the label. Delete all contact details, tell him you need him to do the same so you can move forward. The hardest bit is accepting that you need to remove him from your life, but once it is done it gets better in time.
A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (28 February 2016):
 Don't be so hard on yourself. It's only been four months, and you were with him for six years! It'll take time.
At the moment, you are basically grieving. This is a natural and healthy part of breaking up with someone, so it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Suppressing your feelings would only make things worse in the long run, so let yourself feel what you feel. I've heard that it usually takes around half the time you were with someone to get over that person. For you that means around three years. So be kind to yourself.
Focus on yourself and fill your time doing the things you love, and spend it with people who make you happy. This will help you feel better in yourself, but it may also help preoccupy your mind with other thoughts.
What you're feeling right now is natural, and it will eventually help you be ready to meet someone who is better for you when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 February 2016):
 It's part of the healing process.
When you were first dating and becoming more and more serious, you invested in stages. Not in equal portions at equal and regular intervals. This is somewhat how the process of withdrawal works as well. In stages.
So don't put deadlines and demands on yourself that aren't necessary. It sounds like you've already accepted it's over, so allow yourself to accept, at your own pace, the full implications of what that means.
Let yourself grieve at your own pace.
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