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male
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anonymous
writes: My ex-girlfriend has had sex with two (2) men since our break up (August 26th, 2006). She has now contacted me and says that she wants to make things work between us.Should I consider her sex with the other men as cheating?What should I be feeling?Any advice is greatly appreciated.Dan
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): I actually went through the exact same circumstances. My girlfriend and I split last august after almost 7 years. She slept with two other guys while we were seperated. We decided in November that we wanted to get back together, but this was a big hangup for me. I called her a whore for several months after we got back together. We went to counseling and she moved back in this October. I do love her and have been able to put it behind me mostly except for certain emotional outbreaks every now and again. It is true that I won't ever look at her in the same way, and in a way, I won't ever love her as much either. So far though our actual relationship has improved since we went to counseling. I have cheated on her several times since we got back together. I will get an expensive asian escort every couple of months (just my subconscious way of getting back at her). I do consider it cheating emotionally and it doesn't every go away. You just have to put that in a place way back in your head and move on with your life together if you decide to do it.
A
male
reader, juddy +, writes (8 November 2006):
I agree with many of the points stated, the times when me and my ex parted for a number of times, she slepted around, yet every time we got back together she said she loved me and wanted to be with me, I too never found out how many people she had had one night stands with until after we split. I never once slept with anyone whilst i was not seeing her. I belive she acted like this because she felt un-wanted and needed someone to give her a quick fix, It upset me that she lyed and told me she had not been with anyone, not only hurting my feelings but putting me at risk.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):
You are entitled to do whatever you want- dont try to hide behind a legalism of if this was cheating.
Take her back if you want. Or dont for what ever reasons you have (like you feel grossed out by other guys pumping her). If those reasons are irrational, ok but dont try to hide behind the cheating issue.
And dont try to beat her up about "cheating", because it doesn't seem to be...
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 I have been in the same situation as you and Dr Pete, so I fully understand.
No, she did not cheat as you were mutually seperated anyway. Psychologically though, there lies a problem. If you did get back with her, there would always be upsetting images in your own head which can put a real strain on the relationship. She has realised that it is you she wants and wants you back. She did have sex with other guys, but she knows the person she wants to be with.
I think you both need to have a good talk and discuss all the issues and concerns you both have, before taking things slowly.
There are lessons which can be learned from all this, which can ultimately make the relationship stronger and make you more appreciative of each other.
Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): You had split up! What if the tables were turned and it was you who had seen others?? It depends on what types of people you both are. Why did you split up in the first place? If you are strong people and you can put this behind you then do so. Talk, Talk, Talk. Get it all out in the open and then put it in the bin. Move on. I wish you both well.
Best Wishes
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 not factually but emotionally yes but u can talk and do things up yeah if you love her so much you can try
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): I was once in a similar situation to yours but a few more people were involved and it turned out I only knew half the story, and I only found out 5 months after getting back together after her innocently saying she hadn't been with any one else when we were apart.
What should you be feeling? Well had you taken an interest in other girls during your break up? If you had broken up, surely she was free to see other guys?
The thing I found hard was that for the few months we had split no other girl entered my head I was completely celebrate so it was obviously very hard on me knowing it was so different for her. She had gone out sleeping around to get over me but I became a bit of a recluse and stayed away from people - we both acted in very different ways because we were ultimately very different people.
Your girlfriend did NOT cheat on you, she has not done any thing wrong.
If you are bothered by this then I was suggest you probably do see her has being unfaithful and I doubt you will ever see her in quite the same way. I'm only guessing on what I would feel though. Personally, I am so so pleased things didn't work out because I would HATE to have that kind of history with someone.
You have to look at your individual circumstances. What caused you to break up, why did she sleep with these two people, what are your views towards sex and relationships? Have you fixed the problem that caused you to break up?
Good luck with whatever you decide to do ok?!
Peter
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