A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm writing this after a terrible night. I was out with my ex-boyfriend last night and needless to say we both had a few drinks. I said something, he got angry and pushed me, then kicked me in the knee to the sidewalk. He kept walking to the bar leaving me on the ground. I was shocked!!!We have a long history together and dated for ten months. Last summer was great; We were very in love and always together. Then college started up again and he became extremely shady. I gave him plenty of space as we were busy and when I would call he wouldn't answer or he would blow me off when we rarely had plans. His friends always came first and I was never included. This is when I first started realizing his shady and selfish side. I know he was trying to talk to other girls, but would never admit to it. He broke up with me a few times only to get back together usually a week later. Things really got awful around Christmas time, when we both went home. I was supposed to go visit him and not only did he not call me the entire three weeks, but he also ignored my two phonecalls. I obviously didn't go to visit him. I bought him a really nice Christmas gift and didn't receive anything in return. When we were supposed to go back to college he started talking to me again and I of course thought things were going to be better. They weren't. I finally, out of extreme frustration and anger broke up with him when he completely ignored my birthday, except for writing on my Facebook wall. I still loved him, though. We got back together for a week only to have him say he wanted to be single for a while. This was obviously bullshit because he was trying to get with other girls. Forward to March, he contacted me apologizing for how badly he treated me. I really thought he sincerely meant it and thought we could be friends. He told me he wanted to hang out again and it felt like old times and we slept together. I thought things were great and that he was going to treat me well again. One day out of the blue on his Facebook it changed to "in a relationship". I thought this was odd because he never even put that up when we were supposedly dating. Why would he put that up now, because we didn't talk about it??? Upon further reading I found writing from another girl on his wall saying that that she loved him and calling him baby. I was really shocked and ready to stop talking to him. He said that he put he was in a relationship because he was trying to get away from a girl. We continued to hang out though, with him reverting back to his old "i want you when I want you, but when I don't I don't give a shit about you." He started bailing on me and never answering the few times I called. More evidence kept surfacing of him being in a relationship, but he always denied it, even when he supposedly broke up and went back to single he wouldn't admit it over and over, and finally got mad at me for asking.I'm really hurt and confused at the moment. Why would he go to all that trouble to start talking to me again if he was just act the same??? I had to get over him once before and now I have to do it all over again, because it's starting to affect my self-esteem making me feel like I'm just not worth it to him. What is a good way to get over a guy like this (when things were good, they were really good, but that bad was terrible) because he is obviously trouble? Any help/experiences/advice is greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): You have been in an imaginary relationship. This guy has no respect for you and the reason he calls you and gets back together with you only to treat you badly again is because he can. You keep taking him back, you let him know that no matter how badly he treats you that you will put up with his crap and let him back into your heart and into your bed.
This guy is a complete jerk, he isn't into you at all, and he is a liar. He is now jerking some other girl now as apparent on his facebook, he isn't trying to get away from a girl, he is trying to lead someone else on.
He is immature, he wants to be single and play the field, he is what people term as a player. He isn't sincere, he just says what girls want to hear to keep them sweet so he can get laid.
From what you have written here, he has never even been a boyfriend to you.
You have to take accountability here...you allowed him to get away with this, you put yourself below him, you gave your power away and you lost your walking away power...he is treating you like crap.
Don't waste much time getting over this guy he isn't worth it. Try to have more self respect and focus on you and how happy you are not on some guy...determine if the guy is treating you right and if he is good enough for you...this one isn't. Throw him back in the water and move on.
There is a saying, every woman gets the love life she deserves. Which means you set the standard, you set the boundaries and you get to choose, not the other way around.
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