A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I continue to help my ex-girlfriend? Sorry if this is long, but...We were seeing each other for about 4 months, yet one of the months she was at home (in the USA). We were very close, and I did alot for her - help her with uni work, find a new apartment to live in, help boost her confidence at work. Everything was going great until she came back and told me she wasn't "feeling it". However I still feel something for her and hope something will come from our "friendship".As she is here in South Africa by herself she has no support networks (emotional, family etc). We remained friends, talked every night before we went to bed, saw each other 2-3 times a week. She tells everyone, including me, that I'm her best friend and only person that really cares about her out here. She's been in SA for 2 years, so I don't know why she thinks that - she has other friends, yet she tells me she can't rely on them like she can me.Recently she has been going through some issues. She asked me to take her to her doctor's appointments etc and to provide her support. I did, because I care about her and want to see her get better. Next month she's about to have some "uncomfortable" examinations and asked me to go with her, take her home, nurse her etc etc.Anyway, recently she's been distant and only seeing me when she needs help. I find out she's seeing someone new. I get the feeling she is using me to help her with her issues, so she doesn't have to burden her new guy as this may scare him away. Without telling her why, I asked her if we could have some "space" so we can think things through. She made it quite clear she "just wants to be friends" yet needs me in her life. She left my house crying, asking to "still be friends".That was 2 days ago. I haven't called her or sms'd her, nor she me.I feel ashamed that I have neglected her when she needed me. Yet part of me thinks this new guy should be taking her, as that's what a true boyfriend does - I was being used. Should I contact her and apologise and "be that friend?" Or should I leave her be to realise what she's loosing from me? Have I done anything wrong?
View related questions:
at work, best friend, broke up, confidence, ex girlfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Hi Anon. It's your choice! If you can live with being just friends then fine but reading your question it seems your feelings for this lady run much deeper than friendship. In my personal experience it's very difficult to move on in your own life if you're the one who's been dumped and you remain "friends" with the person. Right now you welfare and serenity are the most important things. If you remain friends will that just not tear you apart inside! It's not good to hide your feelings of love for her so acting just friends is just acting. It’s obvious you want more. You'll be in a constant state of hope and always wondering if she's with someone else, the hurt will get worse. She obviously has some issues that make her need you when she does not get what she wants and might be using you for emotional support but I think that’s unfair. I would suggest sending her a letter expressing how you feel for her and that it won't be possible to just be friends. Then break off all contact for a number of months. Go out, have fun and try not thinking about her too much. It's hard, you'll feel hollow inside for bit but it gets better with time. Take care.
|
