A
male
age
30-35,
*ubberband Man
writes:So i was in this wonderfull relationship, with my girlfriend for 2 years, We are both in our 20s Over the past couple months our relationship has gotten worse. We were not very close, i tried to do what i could but i guess it wasn't enough or the right thing, im not exactly sure. We had a deep discussion a couple weeks back about how our personality's are just too different and she thinks we are growing as two different people. She has given me plenty of chances to show her that i could be the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But she cant see herself doing so. She said she would be so unhappy and down the road we just wouldent work. She was tried and stressed from the relationship. We just were not close. She wanted a deep meaningfull relationship with me, more then just being close but being something together as a whole. Its hard to explain but we were close. I cared for this girl it just on my side felt like she wasn't giving her all, i was low on her priority list but shes different that way. She likes her independence. Anyways we talked one night and after a long conversation and some tears, we decided it would be best for us to go our own ways. She left my house crying i reassured her that i would always be here for her and i will always be her best friend. I wanted a chance to show her that we could have a deep relationship and make something Real out of us. But she said it wasn't the right time. She got home and in the middle of the night called me crying Saying that she was so so wrong, and i deserve every chance in the world. We both love each other very much we do have passion but not deep enough. So we decided to keep going. I asked her why and she said she just felt such regret, letting me go like that, seeing me leave. So 2 weeks goes by at first we start hanging out for about 3 days in a row, after that it goes back to not seeing each other for a week. We missed valentines day because she had to work. We get together on the following friday, i am so excited to see her and talk to her about how her school is going and mine ect. But when we get together things are just awkward. We sit in silence with the tv on and well i just started asking her, Maybe it was best we go our own ways. I wanted her reaction and she said it just isent working. She dident want a relationship anymore. She wanted to be independent, not need to worry about what a guy can give her at this moment in time. She has been spending a lot of time with her sister and just wants to figure things out. She wants me in her life still, she loves me for who i am and cares a great deal about me. She told me that i was an unbelievable boyfriend to her and treated her with such respect and careingness. But we broke up. She didn't show such emotion this time but i know she was hurting. I asked if i could kiss her goodbye 1 last time when she left. and to be honest it felt like the most passion't kiss i have had in weeks. Basically it has been 5 days since we broke up, im hurt i dont know what to do. We hangout the day after and went back country skiing together as friends, she said it didn't change anything but she still wanted to do something with me for the person i was, and she hoped i would too,not just to get her back. After that day she got home and had to go to work, i called her quickly before work and said hey, lets get together and visit when your done. She said her friend is back in town this week only and she probably had plans but if she was free would love too. After that i said well when you have time we should talk. She said ok. I havent contacted her since. I dont know what i should do. I love her so much, and after some days of clearing my thoughts i do really want a deep meaningful relationship with her and it hurts. I have been useing No contact but im not sure thats what i should do. My best friend told me listen to my heart and my heart tells me to talk to her, and show her my real outlook on things, But i dont want to push her away. I know she is thinking about me but im scared if i leave it too long she will settle in with her choice. I need some advice on what to do. Right now im focusing on my school as much as it hurts. Shes been spending alot of time with her sister and her best friend whos back in town I respect that and i wonder if i should wait a little longer. Someone please help. Thanks
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 i believe you posted on here a couple of weeks ago about the first initial break up and how you two got back together. if you are not this same person, forgive me. if you are, then here is my advice:
this is unfortunately what i expected the outcome to be. i think she got emotional and sad and retracted her decision to break up in the spur of the moment because her raw emotions over-rided her logic. but i feared the problems that were there that caused her to end the relationship in the first place would only come back to haunt you later on down the road. i guess it turned out to be sooner than later.
i think that this is the best thing for you, whether you realize it now or not. break ups have this way of making you think you'll never love someone else like that again, and that you can't move on cause you lost the love of your life. thing is, that's not the case at all. the relationship failed for a reason and you WILL find somenoe else. and they WILL fulfill you and make you happy.
every time i've ever felt devistated by the ending of a significant relationship in my life, i felt that way. then when i met my next partner, i realized why that last relationship never worked out. give yourself a little time. you'll see that this is a blessing in disguise. it just hurts right now. but don't be fooled into thinking that just because it hurts right now, it will always hurt. take a few months, and i guarantee you that you'll look back and recognize that she probably was right, afterall. that you two aren't right for each other and that she did you a favor.
in my own personal experience, i just got out of a relationship a handful of months ago with a person whom i loved dearly and deeply. but my partner called it off because they realized something i didn't at the time. that we aren't compatible. that despite love, we weren't right for each other and could never make each other happy the way that we both deserved. i was so hurt and angry at the time. i didn't understand. a month later? i realized my ex was right. it was the best thing for me because now i'm with someone who i AM compatible with.
so in other words, just try and look long-term. i know you don't see it now, but some day you will, that this is the best thing for you. she did you a favor.
best of luck to you and keep your head up. i said it last time and i'll say it again: you seem like a great guy. you'll find someone who's perfect for you some day! you'll be just fine!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 "Sounds" to me like she discovered - before you did - that you and she have sufficient incompatibilities that you cannot have a successful relationship......
Sooo, how about you (and she) count your blessings and thank your stars that you didn't get in to some sort of arrangement that was difficult/impossible and/or terribly expensive (and involved children) to dissolve???
Get on with life and have a great future. Good luck....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 February 2013):
There comes a time for many people when they realize that someone they are with and care deeply for, just isn't the right person for them. It sounds like the two of you have come to that realization.
Now comes the hard part. You need to let her go. The two of you aren't compatible, and forcing your relationship will only lead to more issues.
The happiest people are those in a relationship with someone they love and are compatible with. Don't cheat yourself out of that possibility because you're afraid to say goodbye.
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