A
female
age
41-50,
*IS
writes:Please help me :( I hate the way I feel. I finished with my ex a few months ago because he took me for granted too much. (Money , never spending time with him, being left on my own all the time) with him and he had kids from a previous relationship who I loved to bits. Since I left him, I find myself missing the kids and him. I live by myself and work in an office on my own. I just can't cope anymore. No one cares because I always put on a brave face, but this is really hurting. I don't want to be with him, but I keep in thinking of the kids. I miss them so much. Thank you for reading this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Try to keep in touch with his kids. I'm sure they miss you too. However once he gets a new girlfriend or gets married it would be awkward or disrespectful to his new partner to have an ex so involved in his family life... but maybe you can cross that bridge when you get there...
A
female
reader, CIS +, writes (13 October 2013):
CIS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice.
I will send birthday cards :) I have just hit a wall and struggling. It doesn't help living in my own and sitting in an office in my own all day. I just need to move on but it just seems to be getting harder then easier.
Thank you again
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I don't think that no one cares, you say you put on a brave face, so my guess is nobody knows how you are feeling. How can people show you compassion, empathy and support if they are unaware that there is a problem.
With regards to this guy, you broke up because he took you for granted.
He obviously hasn't fought for you or tried to win you back which leads me to believe that your feelings were right. He was using you for what you brought to the relationship and the help and support you provided him for his children.
It doesn't sound as if he loved you.
As for his children, that must hurt you so much. You accepted them into your life and now feel that you've lost them.
Have you considered, or is it possible, that you can keep in touch with them? Send them birthday cards, letters, e-mails and the like?
Let them know that you will always care for them and be there for them and give them a way to communicate with you if they want too.
They may not want too and you may just have to accept this. They may want too but their Father may not allow it and again this will have to be accepted however, be patient, when they're old enough they may choose to find you themselves.
If I were you I wouldn't consider going back to this guy, despite how you feel about his children, because he will use you worse than before because he will know that he can.
You need to stop putting on a brave face and let friends and family know how much you are hurting. Trust me, they will want to help you. You are not alone.
Counselling will help you cope with your feelings so I think you should consider this.
You are a loving and giving person and, for what it's worth, I think you've done the right thing leaving a man who doesn't show you the respect you deserve.
Please let those barriers down and let those that love you help you.
I hope this helps AB x
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