A
female
age
41-50,
*aRue
writes:Having a problem moving on... I am a African american women with a master's degree,stable career in education, living on my own, and no children. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up five months ago. Here is his story: He's 36 years old w/no children and has a BFA degree in Graphic Design. However, he still lives home with his mom, still works the same part-time job as a supermarket cashier since he 18 yrs old, and has no car. He graduated from college (late start) 3 years ago and has yet to get a job in his field. We were friends for 6 years, dated for four years. We broke up because I felt he was putting me and the relationship last but it has been hard to move on. I still have deep feelings for him even though he has deeply hurt me. My friends say that I should forget about him because he has nothing to offer me. I have taken their advice in consideration but I feel he understands and relates to me better than any man I've ever dated. I don't know what to do about this mess I'm in.
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LaRue +, writes (4 June 2007):
LaRue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who responded to my question, especially to Carmin. I think my loneliness and hurt have been clouding my ability to make better choices. Your advice was very heartfelt and insightful. I will truly take your words into deep consideration.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): dear anonymousI was dating a guy but when he founds about my financial situation, it was a big turn off. He started to complaint that I don't have a credit card, I don't have a bachelor degree, I don't own a house, I have a low job that really made me feel unconfotable. He also told me that he scared to get serious with me he might become broke. All of a suddent he dumped me I'm saying since you said on your comments that:For example, if you are seeking a man in good physical condition, make sure you're walking and hitting the gym. If you're looking for a man who's financial house is in order, make sure your financial house is in order. so you think I should never try someone who's higher than me. that really makes me think twice before I ever date anyone else in the future. Please repply!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): LaRue:
You need to do some soul searching. Ask yourself the following questions:
What did your friend of 6 years and lover of 4 years "offer" you when you were connected?
Did you discontinue your relationship with him based on your feelings or the feelings of your friends?
Based on your description of his living situation and accomplishments, I don't think this man is moving in the life direction that you are moving. I believe this is why your friends suggested you move on.
Remember this: The universe does not honor or support a void. So, as long as you were holding on to what appears to have been Mr. Wrong, Mr. Right could not get to you. Mr. Right still can't get to you because you are still holding on (in your mind and heart) to Mr. Wrong.
You miss him because he was a fixture in your life for a very long time and it is natural to miss him. Take comfort in knowing that the relationship could not blossom and move forward. It was stagnant and it sounds like his life is stagnant. However, it is his choice but you, my dear, don't have to share his choice.
Give yourself an opportunity to meet new and interesting people. Go to events and vacation with friends. But and this is a big BUT don't go looking for a man. Go looking for fellowship and fun. Make sure you are the best woman you can be. And, finally, whatever it is that you are seeking in a mate, be that "whatever" yourself. For example if you are seeking a man in good physical condition, make sure you're walking and hitting the gym. If you're looking for a man who's financial house is in order, make sure your financial house is in order.
You a smart woman - you get the picture.
Best wishes to you.
Carmin Wharton, Author
"Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces"
www.carminwharton.com
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Your friends are right. He doesn't sound like he's getting out of the rut that he's in. He's dug a hole, jumped in, and found his comfort zone. He's still a child in his mind. I would move on to better waters.
DV1
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