A
male
age
36-40,
*owwhatdoido
writes:my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. for the first three months after our break up i tried hard (almost desperately) to get back with her. i know it was a mistake to not give her some space but i was scared i would lose her and my emotions get the best of me. i felt i had lost a great thing and i didnt want to watch her walk away so i tried to get her back. we had a long talk about a month ago and she basically said that she just cant do this right now and that i need to give her some space and go my own way. she kept saying 'just live your life'. so for the past month we have not seen or talked to one another at all. i have been trying to get over everything and move on but i cant bring myself to do it. i am still in love with her. i want so much to work things out and show her how much she means to me but i dont want to push her away any further. i know she loved me a lot and still does but cant bring herself to be with me right now because of how things ended between us. im trying hard to give her space but my question is: how long should i wait to say hi again? i am trying to give her time to heal and reflect on everything but i dont want to wait forever. do you think it would be smart of stupid of me to contact her? does it need more time? does she need to contact me if anything is going to work? does she need to miss me? i dont know what to do. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Let her come to you when she's ready. If you have already said the words "I am here for you when you feel ready to come to me" then that's pretty much all you can do right now. Giving someone space means giving someone space, so let her have exactly that. And since the relationship was intense and it's only been a month since you've last been in contact, you have to give yourself time too. It may not help you right now to say this but it will get easier. Not easy, but easier.
And yes, do live your life! As hard as it seems right now but you do have to live, don't neglect the other parts of your life. It's a crucial part of the healing process to see your friends and remain active even though you might not feel like it. But it will be a big help trust me. So go out into the world and be good to yourself. Take care, I hope you'll start feeling better soon.
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