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male
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anonymous
writes: Ive recently split from my girlfriend of 2 years. She didnt used to like the fact that I had a couple of pints after work each night. She warned me plenty of times to cut it out and i told her that 2 pints per night is no problem to anyones health (even the doctor confrimed this). Her parents split becuase of the fact her dad got drunk and fell out with her mum on a regular basis which is the reason she was unhappy. We spent most nights together and was deeply in love with each other and we were both very happy. I was chatting to her on msn one night and she said she wanted to meet for a drink and she had something to say. When we arrived at the pub she said it was over and the reason for this was the fact I hadnt listened to her and hadnt stopped drinking and that she dint like my attitude towards things. I was gutted and took the news really badly. After a day or so I rang her and arranged to meet for a drink and I told her I was prepared to stop drinking alltogether and sort things out and make her happy. She said not to get my hopes up and we would see how things went. I left it a few days and bumped into her brother who told me that a new lad was on the scene and that he had been round to see her and spend the night with her. It was asthough my heart had broken in two and i was so, so upset. I rang her and got very angry at the fact she was seeing someone else immediately after we had split and she told me nothing serious was going on. I said to her that for him to be staying over with her was serious enough for me and got really upset with her. We have had a holiday booked with my parents to go to away next month and she said she still wants to go but only as friends. I really want to sort things out for the best and make things work out for us, but it appears she is getting to know this new guy well. I had big plans for this holiday and had planned to do some lovely things together as a couple. Everyone has told me to take a friend instead but it just wont be the same without her. As it stands she is friendly with this new lad, the holiday is going ahead and I really, really want her back in my life. I would be gratefull for any advice as I dont know which way to turn....
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (11 May 2006):
 Hi I think she is afraid to commit to you as her dad had a drink problem and although you say you only have 2 pints every night as someone who lived with an alchoholic in many cases (don't take this the wrong way) this is how it starts then it gets more. You dont understand how this affects people and maybe she is scared you will turn out like her dad. As for this new guy on the scene you really need to ask her about him. The holiday well i don' think you's should go as friends as this would be hard for you and would spoil your holiday.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): We were very close and she was very affectionate towards me. She would always kiss and hug me and tell me how much she loved me. We did alot together and she would get upset when i would go away for weekends working and stuff. There is no doubt in my mind that the love was 2 sided whilst it lasted. As i said in my post she told me enough times in the relationship to curb the drinking and i shrugged it off and ignored her. Im hoping when the holiday comes she will see how good i can be for her (im not a bighead, honest). Ive seen this new guy and he is quite good looking, but ive heard from her brother that he doesnt have much of a personality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006): I think she used your drinking 2 pints a night as the scapegoat to break-up with you, when 'in-fact', she wanted to break-up with you for this other guy. I mean, it's just too convenient that she would break-up with u because of an alcoholic that happened in her family - she basically took your nightly 2 pints and turned it into a massive problem which in itself isn't a problem in the first place.
When u say "deeply in love with each other" - is this through your own point of view, or is this a mutual point of view? I noticed a lot of people say "deeply in love with each other" or "love each other to bits", but when they describe their perspectives on things, the "deeply love" is usually one-sided, with the illusion of it being two-way.
I believe you should just sit back and reaccess the entire picture, rather than see things as they are through a narrow crack in the wall. Light seems more concentrated through a crack when you're in a darkened room yourself.
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