A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So I had been dating this boy for three weeks, and we were in a happy relationship together. He's currently in his last year of school so has to prepare for his exams, so he couldn't talk to me all the time but we agreed that he would keep me posted whenever he had time and he did. Keep in mind I am in year 12 so I have more free time than him.However, a personal issue came up for him that he was really upset about, but he didn't want to tell me the details. After this he didn't speak to me for a week and I was really worried. Then after a week he came back to me and said he wanted a break from us, that he needed space, and I got pretty upset, saying that he should have talked me and how sad it made feel. He saw that I was hurt so he said he only wanted to take the break because he knew he was going to be distant because of his exams and his personal problems, and he apologised for the way he talked in the beginning of the conversation, admitting to not having communicated well enough. I forgave him after that and we agreed that he would talk to me if he had the time. I was still kind of upset, but I was prepared to let it go, as I knew he did genuinely like me (keep in mind whenever he does have time he talks to me A LOT and loves being with me. He also liked me for a while before we actually got together, it wasn't just 'love at first sight', we got to know each other a lot before starting the relationship and we were friends before we were lovers). That's when I showed my best friend the conversation we had the previous night (it was through text) and she was REALLY upset. She thought I forgave him way too easily, that he was walking all over me, that he took advantage of me and that I have to break up with him. I was still a bit angry and her words augmented it, so I impulsively wrote a long message saying that he didn't appreciate me enough for not telling me about his problems and that if he continued this way I couldn't stay with him. He replied that he still wasn't going to, and I basically ended it there. But the next day I talked to him in school and we agreed to stay friends and see if we wanted to get back together after his exams. He was quite quiet and seemed upset. He normally likes it when I hug him, but when I did he didn't hug back that much and he let go pretty quickly. It ended on a good note, but later that day he texted me saying that he wanted me to delete all the pictures of us and also the conversation we had and that he was going to do the same. He said he didn't understand my breakup message, and I admitted to being influenced by my friend. He said I was too selfish and that he would have called it quits in the beginning if he knew it was going to escalate this way, and we said goodbye to each other. It hurt me really badly because that's not how I wanted things to go. I talked to my other two friends the next day and while they both said he could have communicated better in the beginning it definitely didn't warrant a break up. They said it was only the beginning of the relationship so it was normal that he didn't trust me with his personal issues just yet, and that he would need space to sort it out and revise for his exams. Both of them thought my best friend went over the top saying all the things that she did. I really regret it now, because we had a strong bond together and I just let it go. I never wanted to break up with him, but my best friend pressured me into it. She kept calling me dumb and stupid for forgiving him. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but she wasn't very helpful. I really want to apologise and tell him I would like to try again. I do know he made some communication mistakes but I also made some dumbass trust mistakes. I'm worried he hates me now.Should I try and win his heart again? If so how, and when? (He is in the middle of exam revision and his exams don't end till May 24, but he is still in school).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 April 2019):
 First of all, we need to see WHY he initiated the break in the first place. It was one of two reasons, and I'll outline them here:
If he slept with you during those 3 weeks he dated you, and then went distant, then he's a dog, and you should drop him and stop talking to him. He was using you, and all his words were BS. Do not bother trying to "win" something you never had in the first place.
BUT...
If he HADN'T had sex with you (or oral, or anything resulting in HIS sexual gratification), but really did back off due to his schedule, then he did the right thing in being honest with you. He couldn't keep up with the demands of his school exams plus the demands of your relationship, especially if you fall more on the "needy" spectrum, needing a lot of attention and reassurance and time.
So did you have sex with him?? Did you sleep with him and then he went distant?? If so, next time, don't go sleeping with boys weeks into dating!!! If you did NOT have sex with him, then honor his wishes and back away from him. Don't be friends with him. Don't contact him. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find one of a zillion other guys out there without the time and personal issue issues this guy does!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2019): Breaking up on good terms is a tricky business, more so for your age. Choose peace of mind which means own how you feel, apologise for the hurtful words, thank him for the good times, and wish him well. Apart from that, do not offer anything else. Just move on. The best is yet to come. Ace your exams! Good luck.
Love, M
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 April 2019):
 Look, this isn’t meant to be, you’re both way too young to be worrying about this kind of thing. You are both CHILDREN still, the amount of these relationships that work out long term is minuscule. I know one friend that’s been with his girlfriend since around age 18, I’m 27 now. 1 couple! The rest have broke up and been in numerous other relationships in that time.
He’s busy concentrating on exams and you’re free, you’re on complete different wavelengths. There’s a bit of stress on his part with personal issues and revision and it’s already caused and argument big enough to break up over. That shows that when things get rocky this relationship doesn’t have the maturity or strength to hold up under the pressure.
If I were you I’d forget about this one and move forwards. Chalk this one down to experience and don’t make the same mistakes again in future. If people break up it is a MASSIVE sign that you’re incompatible. Breaking up and getting back together with people is always a terrible idea when it comes to relationships, if you break up once, move on. Something obviously doesn’t work or else you wouldn’t have broken up on the first place.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2019):
 Give him space and consider yourself broken up.
I think you both handled this really immaturely. But, given your ages... it's not totally unexpected.
Don't blame your BFF for your own actions. While you might have felt pressured, you still MADE the choice. And if someone can "pressure" you into breaking up... then you have some growing up to do, learn to stand on your own two feet and TRUST your OWN gut.
How to "win" his heart again, honey.. he isn't a prize. He is a person and what he said to you "He said I was too selfish and that he would have called it quits in the beginning if he knew it was going to escalate this way" pretty much means he isn't looking to get back together with you.
LEARN from this, that is about all you CAN do.
Accept that you made mistakes (he did too but his mistakes are not something you can really learn from or not repeat.. only your own.)
Next time, you can ASK your friends for advice but ULTIMATELY (regardless of them calling you whatever) the relationship is yours and the CHOICE is yours too.
Focus on your own UPCOMING exams.
I don't think he HATES you at all. I think he is disappointed. In you and in himself. It happens. You are BOTH still learning how to navigate the whole adult relationship thing. No one gets great at that overnight.
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