A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive just been dumped by my girlfriend who ive been with for about a year. she came over last night and told me that he loves me like im part of her family but doesnt feel as phycally attracted to me as i do to her. im not sure if thats me or anyone as she isnt the most sexual person. were both 22, shes only 5 days older than me. i love her soo much and cant stop crying. my room is covered in things that she either bought for me or remind me of her but dont want to move them. i was her first boyfriend, she was my second major relationship. ive never felt so much for anyone, i love everything about her. she wants to stay friends and she told me that ive loved her the way she always wanted to be loved. she has had a somewhat sheltered life because of her overprotective mother which has been a strain on our relationship. she also reads alot which i feel gives her unrealistic ideals of life. i dont know what to do, i want her back.
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female
reader, lilmamma  +, writes (17 June 2007):
i think u should just sit down and tell the person how u feel i did it before but at first i was sooooooooo scared
but afer it worked
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again! i still have things going on such as uni just finished for the year but got work, gym, and friends so im not obsessed with getting her back and i do think of other things but i still feel that i have lost something soo special for no reason. i even told her that i dont blame her but i still dont understand. her reason is that she doesnt feel that its right to go on when i feel more sexually attracted to her than she does me. she doesnt have much interest in sex but would do other sexual things. he havent actually had sex together because it hurts her when we try, i havent even pestered her about it for a while so why is she so bothered about it now? everyone tells me it sounds really weird and i should just move on but i feel physically ill when i even think about letting her go. i feel i know her unlike anyone else and they dont understand what i see in her. we went for a walk saturday and i tried to be distant without seeming quiet but it only upset her and confused her. this is soo dam complicated.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Hi again,
Well, I think you're probably right that all you can do is wait and see what happens. It does sound as though she loves you, but why did she think it was the right thing to do to break up? That doesn't make sense.
I still think you need to get on with your life. You can't wait indefinitely on the sidelines because it might never happen. Certainly stay in touch and see her when she wants to, but make sure you have other stuff going on in your life and don't become obsessed about her. You'll be more attractive to her if she feels she might lose you completely and it will also make it easier for you if she does finally say it's a no go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for the replies. she came round my flat tonight unexpectdly, we cooked, watched a film then lay on my bed together listening to music. she held my hand, kissed my nose, i tried to kiss her but she didnt want to. when her mother was picking her up i told her i love her and she told me she loves me too. i said i wanted her back, she said she would think about it. she told me she didnt want to break up with me but thinks it was the right thing to do. i dont know what she wants or how she expects me to just be her friend the way i feel about her and the affection she gives me. it was nice seeing her tonght but i felt like such a looser when she left. i dont have a clue what to do other than to just play along with whatever she wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): What you should do is go and talk to her and tell her how you really want her back.
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A
female
reader, Carina +, writes (3 June 2007):
Poor you. Being dumped by someone you love is utterly devastating. There's no easy way over it, but you WILL feel better. I know you want to keep things around you to remind you of her, but in the longterm this isn't a great idea. These first few days you'll feel bereaved and griefstricken, which is normal, but once you feel a bit better I'd put anything that reminds you of her away for a while.
Something that will help is to write a list of all the great things about your relationship and what you gained from it, like: learning to love for the first time, new experiences, new friends etc. Then write a list of all the negative things about it. There are bound to be some, such as, her not being sexual, or her overprotective mother. Compare the lists and it will help you see the relationship in perspective.
Whenever you're feeling especially down look at the list of negatives and remind yourself that it wasn't perfect. If you start feeling a lack of confidence in yourself then look at the first list and remind yourself of everything you learned and gained from it that will help you in the future. It might sound silly, but it works!
If you need to cry then cry and if you need to stay in bed all day then let yourself do it every now and again. Gradually the hurt will start to heal. Try to get out and see other people as much as you can, especially friends who are sympathetic.
You can't change the way this girl feels, so don't let it wreck your life. Get on with living. Who knows, perhaps in time, and if you stay in touch, she might have a change of heart, but don't count on it. There are loads of fabulous girls out there. Go out and have a look! Good luck.
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