A
female
age
36-40,
*a la land
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together about 8 months. We live together and we're planning a future together. Problem is that we are both dominate personalities. We both are used to doing things our way with little resistance. This has started all kinds of issues. To me, it means we both have to be willing to compromise. I'm definitely willing to meet in the middle on every issue but I will not go more than that. My bf won't even give an inch. So I suggested we have a friend or therapist mediate for us so we can overcome our communication issue. I feel like if we understand each other we won't have a problem moving forward. I lost my job last month so things have been extra stressful, we have been arguing more simply because we are together more and money is tight. My bf shuts down when I try to talk to him, he says that I'm pressuring him when I really only want to work things out. He's not willing to talk with anyone about our communication problem and feels this is wrong because relationships shouldn't take that much effort. He has no other ideas on what can be done to fix the problem. So I was very upset because I love him and want us to work. But we can't move forward until we understand each other. He wouldn't even try so I packed my stuff and told him I was going to leave. He told me not to go because he loves me and wants us to work. I asked if that means he will start to compromise and try. Still, he said he won't talk to anyone and has no answer to how we can improve. So I left, but I took my phone so I could still talk to him. I instantly regretted it, I broke up with him on facebook too, which he was furious about. I told him less than 3 hrs later that I was sorry, I made a mistake. Now he says he needs space because I broke his heart and he wants a future with me, but he needs to clear his head. I stayed away for the night, but he still says he needs more time. I pay rent, and I don't think its fair that he won't let me come home. He gets to sleep in a bed I bought while I'm stuck at my dads tiny house on the floor? That's just wrong. So I went to see him in person and he was mad, he wants me to leave for another day at least so he can think and then we can be together. I'm not sleeping on the floor again. I think if he wants that space he can take the couch or go stay with his parents because at least he will have a bed. Thoughts??
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Looking at the legal side, if your name is on the rent book, in joint names, he can't stop you from staying there. If not, stop paying the rent. See if he can manage on his own then. But i must say 8 months is not long enough to be able to have a perfect relationship, y ou are still in the very early stages of getting to know each other and to be able to live with each other. This can take a long time and you have got to both make more effort. It's all about knowing how each other tick. I went out with my hubby for 8 yrs before i lived with him, thought i knew everything there was to know about him but boy was i in for a shock when i lived with him after id married him. I thought i was living with a stranger, the way he cleaned up around me and stuff like that which annoyed him. So it is hard getting to know someone and you have to give it more time. you sound like you are very impulsive and it has backfired on you.
A
female
reader, YinAndYang +, writes (23 January 2011):
 I think he just needs some time to figure out some things. Sweetie, let him have some time for himself, then when you think the timing is right, talk to him calmly and explain why you would like to smooth things over. Sorry this is so short, but I hope this helps.
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